The night before last, Daphne and I decided to try an experiment. She believes (and I am moving in her direction, but not fully there yet) that we should believe God for healing for my RLS - and keep persevering in prayer until it happens. It's not that I don't believe in healing - God knows I do and that I've prayed over and believed Him to heal many others. I guess in my own case I am struggling to believe this because I've been battling RLS for many years, and I've asked for specific prayer for healing at least four times; but the symptoms continue to worsen. Anyway, we decided to try our "experiment", which meant that I would not take any of my medication, and we would focus on praying if and when the symptoms started. Well, the symptoms started, and continued unabated all night. Daphne prayed while I paced (and in my state of extreme tiredness, pacing the floor means I almost always end up bumping into walls and doors and furniture because I'm actually sleep-walking). We both ended up in tears sometime in the wee hours of the morning - disappointed in God, because it feels like He just doesn't hear us on this issue. I know He answers prayer; it just feels like He won't answer THESE prayers.
Here's the thing about sleep deprivation: it robs you of life. It's the loss of mental alertness, and the inability to focus on any task - particularly reading or writing - for any length of time without falling asleep. Practically speaking, sleep deprivation makes it impossible for me to do the research and writing that I need to do to prepare for upcoming training seminars with Storm Guides. There's also the fear that once I have firm contracts to conduct a training, the night before the training I will suffer another sleepless night. The day after one of these "nuits blanches" ("white nights" in French, which means no sleep) the only activity I can do is manual labor, because otherwise I fall asleep - well, not really. I'll start to fall asleep, but then the RLS will kick in. So yesterday I cut down a bunch of trees, moved a bunch of large rocks off the driveway to prepare for snow plowing, and worked on finishing part of the deck.
Daphne continues to fast for God's divine intervention, and last night I joined her in fasting. I went to bed around 9:30, and other than waking up once I slept until 4:15. Daphne said she hasn't seen me sleep like that in a long time - I snored, talked, laughed in my sleep. . . but I didn't twitch like I normally do. I don't remember what I dreamed about, but it must have been good. I'm not ready to draw any conclusions; I'm just grateful for another night's sleep.
That's why I feel the energy to write this morning because I actually feel awake (so this entry will probably be a long one!). I read in John 7 this morning where it says that Jesus stood up in the temple and cried out, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. He who believes in me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water." He's talking about the Spirit, and I long to know more of the power and fullness of God's Spirit in me. NEVER THIRST AGAIN. What an amazing concept. There is power, and joy, and LIFE available to us through the Spirit of God - but how many of us really find it? And what does it look like to be filled up with the Spirit of God and live in sleep-deprivation at the same time? I mean, when you're living each day in a mental fog of weariness and dullness, what role does the Spirit of God play?
I am really looking forward to the next three days, because the three men who serve as my advisory board are coming into town. I can only hope and pray that the next few nights will be as good as last night, because I want to be fully engaged with my mind while they are here. We'll be discussing what's currently happening with Storm Guides, and where we want to go in the next 6-12 months. I'm sure we'll also discuss how my role as Executive Pastor of Journey church relates to my work with Storm Guides. On Thursday the four of us will drive down the hill to Cherry Hills Community Church because I'm taking part in a panel discussion on security and missions - namely, how to reconcile crisis planning with faith in God. Should be fun! The best part is that this particular monthly meeting is attended by missions pastors from all over Denver, so the potential is there to meet other churches or agencies here who could benefit from help with their crisis management planning.
I have an amazing story of international intrigue that I've gotten drawn into . . . but that will have to wait for tomorrow!
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