I haven't made an entry for several days - I can blame it on the fact that I sliced open the middle finger on my left hand several days ago. I was cleaning out a jar, not realizing that the bottom of the jar was broken. When I put my hand in to clean it out I cut my finger quite badly - I thought I would never get the bleeding to stop. Believe it or not, as I was holding my finger and contemplating whether or not to go to the urgent care clinic, I started thinking about how grateful I am for the gift of pain (yes, I know, what a spiritual giant). I'd been talking to Nicole a few days ago about her trip to Ethiopia, and she told me about their visit to a leprosy hospital. Thankfully, this is a disease that can be cured today, if caught early enough. The biggest problem for lepers is that they feel no pain in their extremities. So I was standing there at the sink, thinking that if I had leprosy the only way I would have known I'd cut my finger would have been the water in the sink turning red. Pain is a gift, and as much as it hurt to slice my finger I would rather feel it than not. Anyway, the bandage I've had on my finger has kept me from adding to the blog for several days. The finger is healing nicely - thanks for asking.
Last week, the three men who serve as the advisory board for Storm Guides spent two days with us. We've been trying to meet face-to-face twice a year, with monthly phone calls in between. The last time we met it was snowing in Atlanta (in January) - so we enjoyed the beautiful weather here in Colorado. We did most of our talking out on the deck, where we could enjoy the weather and a good cigar. In some ways our lives have changed dramatically since January - a new home, changes in direction for Storm Guides, our family well established here in Conifer, and a role for me as Executive Pastor of The Journey church here. And some things haven't changed, like having no income other than the faithful financial support of a few dear friends. Were it not for their support we would be in a very difficult place financially. Thank God for their help! By faith, Storm Guides should begin to provide some income to offset the attrition in our support. I officially registered Storm Guides with the state of Colorado on April 7th, and now in September I finally have my first, firm contract for crisis training with Cypress Creek Church in Texas. I'm hoping for another contract soon with a church here in Denver, but they're waiting for their annual budget to be approved before they will make a commitment. Here's the reality: for me to earn a living only through Storm Guides would require around 30 trainings per year, which seems unattainable at this point. The issue of my RLS and chronic insomnia keeps rearing its ugly head, because I find it impossible to invest the emotional and mental energy into building the client base for the company when I just can't concentrate on any one thing for any length of time. Reading has been impossible because every time I try to read I fall asleep. However, there's a great deal of reading that I need to do in the area of crisis management to stay current in the field.
I've begun to wonder if the worst symptoms of RLS, which began around 3 years ago, were triggered by the intense stress and emotional events of my life at that time. I did struggle occasionally with restless legs prior to that time, but for some reason the symptoms reached a critical point in early 2007. Perhaps there's no relation at all - I don't really know. I've just about exhausted all the medical options that are available for relieving RLS symptomatically. Daphne continues to be a rock of faith as she fights this through persevering prayer, and I am convinced now that she is right. Last night was not a good night, and I was awoken multiple times with restless legs. Each time I would get up to walk, I asked Daphne to pray - and each time I was able to come back to bed and fall back asleep after 20-30 minutes. The commitment on her part is huge, because it means no sleep for her either. So, we keep praying, keep struggling, and keep asking the Lord to renew a daily supply of energy and endurance. Someone mentioned to me this morning on Skype how hard it can be to discern our motives in prayer, as to whether we are truly seeking the gift or the giver. To be honest, I know my motives are divided; I long for more intimacy and knowledge of God, but I find myself wavering due to my emotional disappointment with God when this battle with RLS continues unabated. Anyway, I'm not sure that it's possible to clearly define the dividing line between the Giver and the Gift, because God so longs to be actively and intimately involved in every area of our lives.
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