Say What's On Your Mind

Michael and I had a long chat yesterday, mostly about current issues in the church and how we're trying to deal with them.  By "Issues" I mean "people" - because that's what growing a church is all about.  We've thought about making a sign to put in the Llama Diner that says: "We're in the people business: Salvage and Repair."  Michael likes to refer to our church as the "Island of misfit toys", from the animated Christmas movie we used to watch as kids.  We've all got our problems, our blind spots, and our character issues.  The question is - do we see them?  I often pray that God will give me eyes to see my own "stuff", because I see people all around me who seem blissfully unaware of how their words and actions are wounding others, or how their opinion of themselves is so radically opposed to how others view them.  When they finally leave the church - and they usually do - they will leave blaming the pastor, the staff, the youth group, the worship team... anyone but themselves.  Then they'll move to the next church and start the process all over again - and the list of their "former" churches can number in the dozens and stretch back 30 years.  What a tragedy.  And the world watches how the church misbehaves - only adding fuel to the fire that all Christians are hypocrites and double-talkers.

So, much of our conversation yesterday focused on how well we are doing at finding a balance between love, compassion and long-suffering on the one hand, and our willingness to look someone in the eye and say "You are wrong and your life needs to change" on the other.  There's a place for both, but I tend to favor the former and neglect the latter.  Michael has been a great example to me in this area, as I've watched him over and over as he shares the "last 10%" with a misbehaving church member in a calm voice and without anger.  What's the "last 10%"?  It means being brutally honest with someone to show them the issues in their life that no one else has had the courage to address.  We'll give one another the 90% that's easy, but very few of us are willing to risk a friendship or a church membership to tell someone what their problem REALLY is.  I admire this in Mike.  Of course, the reaction of the person on the receiving end can vary from stunned silence to getting up and walking out of the room and out of the church.  In the short time we've been here I've seen quite a number slam the door on their way out; but I've also seen some of those same people come walking back with their hat in their hand and a broken, repentant heart to say, "I'm sorry.  Can we talk?"   Wow.  A broken, repentant heart is a powerful, powerful tool in the hands of the Lord.  I told someone a couple of days ago that one of the signs of a truly broken and repentant heart is an attitude of genuine gratitude - knowing that we deserve nothing, and receiving everything with a grateful heart.

As I drove home yesterday afternoon I turned on the radio to my favorite Christian station, and the DJ was reading from Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."   Interesting that Paul says that our talk should help build others up "according to their needs", and that it should benefit those who listen - assuming that others are listening in to the conversation.  Probably similar to when Paul confronted Peter in public about Peter's hypocrisy of fellowshipping with the gentiles when he was alone, but withdrawing from them when he was with the Jews. 

When I heard the verse being read on the radio right after Michael and I had that conversation, I thought to myself, "OK Lord, I hear you."

Blast From The Past

Nicole and I went to the "Eagles" concert down in Denver last night, thanks to the generosity of our pastor who gave us two free tickets. We were way up in the 'nosebleed' section, but had a GREAT time together.  The concert started at 8pm, and we finally left around 11 because Nicole has school today.  Almost every song they played catapulted me back to my days in High School in Kenya, as the Eagles were huge back then.  I laughed when I saw the stadium filled with gray heads - but then, the Eagles are all in their 60's too.  "Hotel California", "Take it Easy" and "Desperado" ... it was Rockin' last night, and those old guys can still crank it out.  I bought Nicole a T-shirt and myself a baseball cap to commemorate the evening.  I loved every minute.

We're finally going to see some more of our beautiful state this weekend when we drive down to Gunnison for a retreat with several other families  - all CCC staff or former staff like us.  Looks like the weather should be beautiful as well.  Of course, the weather is always beautiful in Colorado.

I went through the first "dry run" of my crisis training material with six of the Journey staff on Tuesday.  I think they came because Michael asked them to be there (he was sick that day), but by the end of the morning they were all psyched-up to get ready for the next crisis.  It was kind of a surreal experience in some ways:  I felt like an ex-CIA operative who now works as a sales clerk... and no one knows about his former life.  The team here only knows us in the context of our life here in Conifer - and for the first time they heard some of the stories about crises we dealt with in Egypt, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan...  I'm sure it's hard for them to imagine me in that world.

  I just received the first few dozen copies of our new Storm Guides brochure, and it looks GREAT!  I finally have something printed to give to prospective clients, and the beautiful full-color brochure should add some measure of credibility to the company. 

Road Kill Hamburgers

     My buddy Dave called me yesterday morning around 7 a.m. while I was out for a walk; "I've sent you two messages dude!"  I told him I couldn't hear the phone, and asked him what was up.  "DJ called me this morning (local Sheriff's deputy) and said that someone hit four elk down near the High School - do you want some?"  Four elk?  How is it possible for one vehicle to hit four elk?  I found out later that it was a jeep, and the driver walked away from the accident (although I'm sure his jeep didn't).  I told Dave  I'd help him clean the elk if he could go and pick one of them up in his truck - then we could take it down to Denver to have the meat processed.  When he got to the site there were two guys loading two yearling elk into their truck, and there was only one cow left (someone had already taken the other elk... I find it amusing that we're like blue-collar vultures swooping in to grab the kill).  Dave was trying to figure out how to load her into his truck - she weighed somewhere around 400 pounds - when a friend of his driving a front-end loader just "happened" to pass by at that very moment.  It didn't take long to scoop up the elk in the bucket and drop her in the back of Dave's truck.  He and I were talking about it later in the day - about how funny it was that his friend "coincidentally" passed by at that very moment, with just the right equipment to do the job.  You'd almost think someone is looking out for us....

He brought the elk over to our house, and I called my neighbor Brian to see if he had a place where we could hoist her up to clean the carcass.  He said we should come on down to his barn - and (of course) he had just the right equipment to hang the elk up.  A few minutes later I'm up to my elbows in elk blood, having the time of my life (no pictures for the sake of the faint-hearted).  We finished cleaning and skinning the elk and drove back up to my house so Dave could wash up before driving downtown.  Now, I have to say here that I've never seen any foxes, coyotes or bears anywhere near our house since we moved here - but we had no sooner driven into my driveway when a fox showed up to sniff the back of Dave's truck; what an amazing sense of smell!

Dave drove down to Denver and dropped the elk off to have it converted into roasts, steaks and hamburger - and I am now officially a Redneck who eats road-kill :)  I also know how to clean an elk now, which will come in handy come hunting season.

This is the view behind our house this morning.  We had a late Spring snow last night, which seems really strange knowing that the temperature will be back up to 72 degrees tomorrow.  Crazy Colorado weather.  I thought we were done with the snow, but the locals tell me we can get snow virtually any time of year.  It's all about Global Warming (not).

Daphne has started volunteering her services at the Angry Llama Diner entering the financial data from income and expenses, and she's loving it.  She's also learning the ropes of waitressing at the restaurant, helps lead a weekly women's Bible study, and meets with three or four different

women every week.  I guess you could say that she's really beginning to thrive.  We're leading the Home Group leaders training togetherBusiness at the Angry Llama is so good we're already trying to figure out how to expand the seating capacity.  We are full virtually every lunch and dinner  - all week long - and we run out of table space on a daily basis.  We're going to knock a hole in one wall to add more seating in the room next door, and we're busy collecting elk and deer antlers, trophy mounts, antique skis, antique guns... anything to give the restaurant a "mountain lodge" feel.  Of course, as you look at the pictures to the right - we just threw up some decorations just to get the diner opened.  You can see a couple of my paintings on the wall above the stairway in the picture to the right.  I'm hoping to sell some framed prints through the restaurant, but no takers as of yet.  Part of the problem (I think) is the fact that the paintings are kind of hidden, and that they don't fit with the "eclectic" decorations we currently have up.

I'm still working on getting Storm Guides up and running.  Next week I'm going to train six or seven of the leaders from our church as a rehearsal for me, and to get their input on the training itself, the content and the presentation.  I need to do at least a couple more "pro-bono" workshops to get the training to the level I need to reach before I begin charging for my services.  I should have a full-color brochure printed by next week (thanks to our good friends El and Debi Ridder);  I can then send copies of the brochure with a cover letter to  different churches and mission agencies, and follow them up with a phone call.  I am realizing one significant reality:  churches do not make decisions quickly - especially ones that require a financial investment.  I need to grow the business to the point where I'll have trainings set up 5-7 months out, and keep that pace consistently.  Our support has dropped by about two thirds over the past three months, and I'm asking the Lord to help us build an income stream to make up the difference... and trying to rest in His sovereign care and control in the meantime.

First Journey Message

     I preached my first message at the Journey Community Church yesterday - well, my first two messages actually, since we have two services.  That was also my first time to preach twice on a Sunday; I confess that the second time was better than the first!  At the end of the service, Michael introduced Daphne and I and explained my new role as "Executive Pastor".  We both felt very affirmed by Mike and the church team - and a number of people who came up after each service to greet us.  There was one thing Mike said that really struck both Daphne and I:  he was talking about his perspective on the qualifications for leadership in this church, and I would have expected him to say that you need a seminary degree, or X number of years as a missionary -  but he didn't.  The only qualification he talked about is that someone be a broken person - and that's what he's looking for.  He has hired and fired two seminary graduates in the past who both had their doctorate degrees.  He hired them because they seemed to know so much... but then he quickly realized that they'd never experienced significant life pain or brokenness.  Now he looks for broken people more than those with theological degrees.  He calls our church the "Island of Misfit Toys" after the animated Christmas movie that many of us used to watch as children: we're in the People Business - Salvage and Repair.  I love it.

     We (Journey Church) opened a restaurant two weeks ago called "The Angry Llama Diner" - I know, everyone asks, "What's up with that name?"  The name comes from an interesting fact about Llamas:  When a llama is placed with a flock of sheep, it seems to feel that it now bears the responsibility for the protection and welfare of the flock (maybe because of its size?).  Apparently, the llama will protect the sheep from any intruder, including bears and mountain lions.  It will lose the fight, but it WILL fight for the sheep.  Mike loved the analogy with the church, and the name stuck.  We have run out of room at the restaurant at least 20 times, and we probably have 200 people a day coming to eat either breakfast, lunch or dinner. But here's the best part:  for the last two Sundays, we've had 20-25 people at church who came only because they were so curious to find out what kind of crazy Christians would run a restaurant like the Llama.  It's working!

Two days ago (Saturday) I spent the morning helping our neighbor cut down trees on his property.  He owns 60 acres that he wants to subdivide and sell as lots for homes.  The forestry department guy came out and used up three different colors of spray paint marking the trees that have to be cut down to mitigate the fire risk - somewhere around 1000 trees.  I learned one thing from the experience:  cutting down trees is a HUGE workout!  I probably cut down 20 trees, and man was I sore yesterday!  Brian is a great friend to have as a neighbor, because he has all the cool stuff that men like to play with: bulldozers, A wood chipper that grinds up whole trees, 4X4s, a huge walk-in freezer to store deer and elk meat... what else could you want from a neighbor?

All for today

Prom Night

Last night was prom night, and I can't believe my little girl attended her first prom - with another girl mind you - but I was AOK with that.  I managed to get a picture of Karine and Jesse just before I drove them down to the venue for the prom - the Red Rocks amphitheater.  Well, not IN the amphitheater, since it had been snowing all day yesterday, but in the restaurant.  Due to the layout of Red Rocks I could only maneuver the car up to within 200 yards of the entrance, and they had to walk the rest of the way in the drizzle and their high heels.  Thankfully Jesse's Dad offered to pick them up around midnight
because I nearly fell asleep on the way home.  But it took me quite
a bit longer than normal to get home, because this enormous boulder had fallen onto the Southbound lane (heading back up the mountain) and completely blocked the traffic.  As we drove by on the opposite side I couldn't believe how huge it was (the news report estimated that the boulder weighs 60 tons), and what a miracle that it didn't crush any vehicles as it came down.  They'll probably have to blast it apart to remove it from the road.  I suddenly have a great deal more respect for those signs on the side of the road that say "Falling Rocks"!
     You can see how beautiful Karine and Jesse looked as we got ready to drive down for the prom.  The prom ended at 11pm, then they all came back to the school for the "after prom" party that was due to last until around 3 am this morning - then off to a friend's house for pancakes.  I wouldn't have lasted even through the prom, let alone all the other festivities.  Karine called around 12:30 this morning to say that she'd forgotten to bring her jeans... and could Papa just run them down to the school for her??  That didn't happen.  She found another solution in the end.

I heard an interesting sermon a couple of days ago. The pastor was making the point that worship is - in essence - love expressed, and that God created us to worship Him.  I'd never thought about this, but he spoke about the three original Arc Angels and their different roles:  Lucifer, who was responsible for worship; Michael, who is the warrior and comes in response to prayer, and Gabriel who brings messages from the Lord.  And every encounter we have with God includes the same three elements:  worship, prayer and truth.  Interesting, isn't it?  Three Arc Angels, so assumedly one third of all angels followed each of the three.  This would mean that when Lucifer sinned and was cast down to earth, he took with him the third of all angels who were responsible for worship... and his place was left vacant.  Now, God could have appointed another angel to that role, but He chose instead to give the responsibility for worship to us!  This would explain why worship is so meaningful to us, and why music has such a powerful effect in our lives.  It gives a whole new meaning to the idea of worshipping the Lord.

We're just on the tail end of yet another Spring snowstorm, and the snow is really wet.  Hopefully it will all melt very soon.

Journey Church

     Life can feel surreal at times.  Nine months ago, in August, Daphne and I were driving around Conifer and Evergreen - dreaming of what it could be like to live up here.  We didn't know a soul.  I remember the two of us sitting on a bench next to Evergreen lake, and we were discussing the idea of moving back to the States.  I had not yet resigned from my roles in the NAMESTAN team, so we were simply dreaming together.  We both loved the idea of living in the mountains, but would God approve?  I was so wrapped up in my own "issues" of what everyone's expectations were of me that I could hardly imagine feeling free to open the door of my heart and discover what dreams and desires were hidden there.

     I remember us driving past a Keller-Williams Realty agency, and just for the heck of it walking in to talk to a realtor.  We were only just at the beginning stages of allowing ourselves to imagine selling our house and leaving France.  The first person we met was Bob Krus, who became our realtor and who eventually sold us this home.  Bob has now become a dear friend - in fact Daphne and I are having lunch with he and his wife Diane today.  God seems to do that a lot in our lives:  the first person we meet, or the first church we visit ends up changing our lives.  We made an appointment one Sunday morning (wow, we didn't even go to church that Sunday!) to meet with Bob to look at a house;  we hadn't even started the process of putting our house on the market, and here we were looking at houses!  We must have been crazy... or God was guiding our hearts.  That day - nine months ago - we drove up to the High School just to see what it looked like, and we saw a sign saying, "The Journey Community Church meets here".  "Hmmm" I said, "We'll have to check this church out some Sunday."  The summer ended, and we went back to France to sell our home and say our goodbyes.  10+ years of life and ministry in the Muslim world had come to an end.  I could never have imagined even two months previously that we would be leaving France and the NAMESTAN region - nor how much pain and misunderstanding our departure would create.  Today, eight months later, some of those relationships are still broken, and God only knows if healing will ever come.  I've lived in four different countries in my lifetime, and traveled to some of the most dangerous places on the planet...  but I have never been as scared, nor felt as insecure as when we moved to Conifer, Colorado.  I was letting go of everything I knew - my life as a missionary, Campus Crusade, the team in France, my job, our church -  to move to a place where we were complete strangers, to start all over again.  The only people we knew were my sister Cathi and her family (50 minutes away in Westminster), our realtor Bob, and a guidance counselor at the High School.  Even as I write this, I'm wondering how in the world we ever did it.  We were either completely mad, or God was leading the way.  For some I know the jury is still out, but for Daphne and me, we are convinced it was the latter.

    Today, eight months later, we are living in a beautiful home in the mountains, not far from family.  We are surrounded by more new, wonderful friends than I can honestly count.  Our girls are settled in school with new friends.  My new company "Storm Guides" is off and running, and my list of prospective clients is growing daily.  And this Sunday, April 18th, I will be named as Executive Pastor of Journey Community Church of Conifer, Colorado.

     Someone once said, "Attempt something so great for God, that it's doomed for failure unless God is in it."  Almost one year ago the Lord communicated with us in a dramatic, supernatural way that we were approaching the key turning point of our lives. At that time we could not have even imagined any of what has since transpired.  A few days ago our Pastor Michael asked me to sit in on a couple of counseling appointments with him, and as I sat there I thought how much I love being a part of his team and this church.  As I drove away, I had a "defining moment" with God.  I sensed Him saying to me, "Do you remember the dream I gave you 18 months ago?"  "Yes, how could I ever forget it?" I replied.  The Lord continued, "And do you remember my promise about a whole new life, and a key turning point for your family?"  "Yes," I replied again.  Then He said, "This is what I was talking about."

     "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."

The Journey Church

     It's snowing again.  They predicted 1-4 inches total.  At 3 am this morning there was no snow (guess who was up?); now there's more than 4 inches outside.  I think someone underestimated this storm.   I'm quickly learning just when you need to plow the driveway, and when to leave it ... there will be no plowing today.  Our vehicles can make it through quite a few inches of snow, so I'm not going out in the cold!

     When you look at the picture of our home above, you would think we were living in the wilderness:  It's actually just some clever framing on my part :)   We do have neighbors, but every home is built on at least 2 acres of land, so no one is on top of each other.  I finished the last touches on the rock fireplace, and I need to figure out is why it doesn't draw the smoke.  We've been smoked-out both times we've used it... and yes, I did open the flue.  I've run a chimney brush has high up as I can reach, but there's not much accumulation of soot.  If anyone has an idea, let me know.  The tops of the chimneys have caps and grills that are riveted into place, so it is impossible to run a chimney brush down from the top.

     Last night Daphne and I enjoyed a long, laughter-filled evening with Mike our pastor and his wife Amy.    We had dinner at a local Middle-Eastern cuisine restaurant called the "Damascus Grill" and it was actually pretty good.  I'm extremely partial to good Jordanian or Lebanese cooking, so I'm sure we'll be back to visit in the future.  We spent most of the evening laughing about the strange/funny things that happen to you when you're in full-time ministry... and after all these years we had plenty of examples.  Mike has asked us to coordinate the small group ministry of the church, and he's going to announce it this coming Sunday.  Daphne and I are excited to be more intimately involved in others' lives again.  We've tried to wait patiently for the Lord to show us when it is time to step out of this time of waiting and listening into any kind of ministry leadership.  We have not sought any roles in the church, and Mike asked us several times before we finally accepted.  I'm not sure why we accepted this last time;  I guess we just sense the Lord giving us the green light.  I will say that we're approaching any kind of "ministry" activity with many more personal boundaries and limitations that we have in the past.  Mike promised that he has no intention of "burning us out", and my reply to him was "And we have no intention of letting ourselves get to that place again."   The church is about to open the diner called "The Angry Llama"; don't ask me where Mike came up with the name, as I have no idea.  In the same building we'll have a coffee bar with a big screen TV for watching sports etc, pool tables etc to draw in the high-school kids, several offices, a small gym... and I don't even know what else.  This is a faith-venture from beginning to end, as we don't even have the money to cover the rent each month.  If it works, it will be of the Lord (and lots of sweat and tears from the church team). 

      In our last email newsletter we asked our friends and supporters to help us with our marketing strategy for Storm Guides, and we've already had one very encouraging contact with a missions agency based in Georgia.  This is how I expect things to develop - by word of mouth more than other marketing strategies.  We're hoping to finish a brochure very soon.   All the ground-work of setting up a new company, getting registered, maintaining the website etc still feels very daunting, and I can already see that I'll need to bring someone on to help me administratively in the not-too-distant future.  I simply cannot handle all the details on my own.  Hopefully we'll begin to have income through Storm Guides and we can hire someone part-time.

     My brother John and I have been talking about the issue of listening to God lately.  This is particularly interesting when you think about Peter, James and John.  They hung around Jesus more than the others (I sometimes wonder how the others felt about that), so they had more opportunity to hear Him.  But they weren't always listening.  When Jesus took them up on the Mount of Transfiguration, Peter started babbling as usual about how they should make that place a permanent retreat center, with a gymnasium, and cafeteria, and statues of Jesus, Elijah and Moses...  and then God interrupted him and said, "This is my Son.  LISTEN TO HIM!"   It seems pretty clear from the context that God was telling Peter, and the others, to shut up and pay more attention to Jesus.  It seems like John, at least, started to understand because a little while later He told Jesus how he'd rebuked a man for casting out demons because he wasn't "one of the team".  I always read this as though John were proud of what he'd said, but my brother John pointed out that  - in all likelihood - John actually felt bad about it, and was making a confession.  If so, then he had started listening more to Jesus' heart, and arguing less about who was the greatest.  I really want to learn to listen more attentively, more actively and more often.

Life's choices

I have my first appointment today with a local church to discuss how Storm Guides can help them - I'm nervous, excited, and scared to death.  It is one of the largest churches in Denver, and I'll be meeting with the Missions Pastor.  I've felt for some time that I just need to get a foot in the door somewhere, and get some training seminars under my belt before word of mouth will begin working for me.  It's not what you know, but who you know - boy, have I found that to be the case.

We're getting more and more settled in our new home every day.  I spent the whole morning on Saturday installing a new garage door opener, as the two existing openers are ancient and worn out.  Now that I've done it the hard way on the first installation, I'm hoping the second one will be easier.  Kind of like most lessons in life - you have to learn something the hard way at least once before you gain some wisdom from the experience.  I remember a story someone once told me: 

      "After a long hard climb up the mountain, the spiritual seekers finally found themselves in front of the great teacher.  Bowing deeply, they asked the question burning inside them for so long: How do we become wise?  There was a long pause until the teacher emerged from meditation.  Finally the reply came, “Good choices.”  “But teacher, how do we make good choices?”  “From experience,” responded the wise one.“And how do we get experience?”  “Bad choices,” smiled the teacher."

Life is full of choices, and full of risks.  Some people are more willing to take risks than others, which sets some leaders apart.  Leadership is risky, and failure is part of life.  Our church here in Conifer is trying to start a new restaurant and youth center, and we're struggling almost daily with issues related to inspections, funding, interpersonal strife, etc.  I love Mike's attitude that failure is a great teacher, and if we're afraid to fail we'll never attempt anything in life.  This move to Conifer and our attempt to start a new company are the most frightening decisions we've ever made, and yet as I look back on the past five months since we moved back to the States, I am amazed by all that has transpired.  We sold our home in France and we're now settled in our own home on 6.5 acres of land; our girls are happy in their new schools with a whole group of new friends; we have a new church and a whole new "family" who've been instrumental in our adjustment here, and we're in the final stages of establishing a new company.  All in five months.  Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed or uncertain for the future, it's good to pause and take a look back to see how far we've come.  It puts everything into perspective.

God has a way of changing our plans

     The last few days have been interesting.  We worked hard to finish painting and furnishing our new guest room for our first "official" guest - Eliane, who we worked with for all ten years we were in France.  This was to be Eliane's first trip to America as an adult, and we were so much looking forward to her spending 8 days with us in our "mountain hideaway".  The day before she was to come we got the most snow yet - about 15 inches in one night.  The roads in our neighborhood are always cleared, but the problem is our 200 yard driveway.  We can usually push through the thick snow in the truck, if it's too deep for me to plow with the four-wheeler.  Anyway, we couldn't wait for her to come.

     The day before her flight, her eldest son Sebastien had surgery and everything seemed to go well.  Eliane left as planned, but after she was already in the air we got a call from France to tell us that
there had been some complications; Sebastien had been put into a medically induced coma to help his

 body to fight off a very serious lung infection.  The doctors were encouraging the family to prepare themselves for the worst.  You can imagine having to break this news to Eliane as soon as she arrived!  We ended up spending only one day together, before we put her on another flight back home to be with her son and daughter-in-law.  When we asked her what she would like to do in the short time she had, her reply was, "Go to a shopping mall, a supermarket and shoot Jim's gun!"  Well, we hit (no pun intended) two out of three, which ain't bad.  She doesn't think she'll be "shooting" for a new job as Calamity Jane, but she enjoyed the experience nonetheless.  We're praying for a miracle healing for Sebastien.
__________________________

 Saturday morning.  It snowed again all night last night.  We still enjoy it!  Everyone predicts that we'll start to moan every time it snows; maybe, but for now we're enjoying the novelty, and I still have fun driving the four-wheeler.  Karine went to watch a movie at a friend's house last night with a group of friends, and when the parents saw how much it was snowing they decided to keep them all overnight, rather than have them drive in the snow.  Of course, Karine wasn't complaining!

I spoke to Eliane this morning and she arrived home safely and was about to go visit Sebastien.  He is still in the coma, although the doctors have identified the specific bacteria that is causing the infection.  The problem is that he still can't breath on his own, so they have to keep him on a respirator in a state of coma.  What an ordeal for Eliane and the whole family.

Daphne and I spent some time praying this morning, because we both identified that we've been under spiritual attack lately.  I do not use that term lightly, because the enemy gets blamed for a lot that has nothing to do with him (and everything to do with our own heart condition).  However, Daphne has felt like she's under oppression a great deal, and I am continually feeling blocked in my efforts to make any progress on preparing the documents I'll need to register as a non-profit corporation.  I know I have the training and experience to be of significant help to churches and mission groups, but I've never felt as fearful or incompetent as I do now.  Daph and I agreed with each other that fear, oppression and discouragement are not the tools the Lord uses to communicate His heart - so it's coming from down below.  Strange how long it takes us to finally identify the source of our feelings: I guess that's part of the enemy's plan, to keep us looking in the wrong places.

Mike, the Pastor of The Journey Church we're attending, continues to challenge me to take on leadership in the church.  He doesn't want to push me, and he's very aware of the burnout we've come through in the past year - so he just keeps gently stating his desires.  I guess our 20+ years of experience in ministry (in the good and the bad) makes us a safe source of help and encouragement for him.  He's looking for a friend he can turn to, lean on, and be "real" with - and that is something that draws my heart towards him.  Don't know how this is all going to work out (between the church and building Storm Guides) - I guess we'll just have to rest in God's leadership day by day. 

I've finally settled on a logo design for Storm Guides.  I wanted it to be something simple, that can be applied equally to business cards and stationary, as well as on a hat or T-shirt.  Here it is:

Here we go again

We're bracing for the second winter storm warning in the past week.  Between today and tomorrow, we should get another 12-16 inches of snow. This picture is of our driveway the morning after the last snow; I ended up plowing the driveway three times just to stay ahead of the snowfall - complete in my red ski suit, goggles and a cowboy hat.  I wish I had a picture of myself!  Our friend Eliane is due to arrive from France tomorrow night, just after the storm warning is lifted.  I hope the airport will remain open here in Denver.

The work on the house is slowing down now; I could easily spend 10 hours a day for another week working on renovations, but life must go on.  From this point on we'll have to work on the rest over the weekends.  I am trying hard to get my business website up and running this week, as well as finishing all the paperwork to set up Storm Guides as a non-profit organization.  I made several phone calls to local churches and mission agencies yesterday, just trying to get my foot in the door.  I'm learning that just because you leave a phone message doesn't mean you'll ever get a return call.  I find this to be a strange part of American culture, that we don't reply to phone calls or emails.  How does anyone do business here?

I've been reading an interesting book called "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality".  The main idea of the book is that it is impossible to be truly mature spiritually, while at the same time remaining emotionally immature.  The two go hand-in-hand.  As we "grow up" spiritually we have to experience a corresponding emotional development.  Many Christians consider themselves to be deeply spiritual, while at the same time being full of bitterness, unforgiveness and anger.  It just doesn't make sense.  One of the principles that I really appreciate in the book is that of "Contemplative Spirituality" - meaning that we learn the blessings of slowing down enough in life to hear the Lord, and to enjoy Him in the midst of life's busyness.  Here is what he says about our pace of life:
     "Another way to discover how much we need to slow down relates to how attentive we are to God during our activity.  God speaks to each one of us every day - through Scripture, creation, dreams, silence, traffic jams, boring workdays, interruptions, conflicts, job losses, relationship breakdowns, successes, failures, and betrayals.  Jesus described this as his "sowing of seeds." Our problem is that many of these seeds are "snatched away immediately" or die prematurely due to external pressures or our absorption with other interests and concerns.  Most of these seeds are lost because we do not pay attention.  When I have sufficient "slowing-down time" alone, I find that my activity is marked by a deep, loving communion with God.  Then Christ's life, more often than not, flows through me to others."

     I believe that one of my greatest challenges, and weaknesses, is the lack of this "slowing-down time" during the week - time to rest, to listen, to reflect on the challenges that life is throwing my way.  This was a huge part of my own burnout, and one of the issues I continually tried to bring to the leadership table while I was in NAMESTAN.  And yet I can be so obsessive-compulsive about getting stuff done that I lose all perspective on life and the value of contemplation.  Maybe that's why I don't sleep well at night...??  There must be a way to accomplish all the necessary details of life, while still maintaining a healthy dose of rest, joy and contemplation.