The courage to speak the truth

I am re-posting a blog written by a good friend of mine.  I am posting it here because I believe it describes in brief what Daphne and I - and scores of others - have experienced in our former church, but written honestly and I believe graciously.  My friend has given me much food for thought, and as a result I've begun to write down some of my own reflections - some very similar to his, but many quite different as our level of exposure to the harmful behavior he describes was far more personal and intense.  There has been a blanket of silence among former church members, mainly due to an intense level of fear and intimidation that is, in and of itself, very revealing.  I believe my friend's courageous reflections have opened a floodgate of pent-up emotions for many people, and his blog has had upwards of 600 hits today alone.

 "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap" 
 Galatians 6:7,
 

Anyway, here's what he wrote:

An Open Letter To My Former Pastor

Posted on November 4, 2014 by Romans8:28

A few weeks ago I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time. We attended the same church for a couple of years and while we weren’t close, I think we would both agree that we shared a special bond because we were baptized together.  But one day she just stopped coming.  I wondered what had happened to her, but honestly the church was in turmoil and not long after she left I did as well.  It was great to see her and we talked for quite a while but what she had to say was heartbreaking to hear.
She told me that when she found the church she was recovering from an abusive relationship and that while she hadn’t been a Christian, she found meaning and a new purpose in her life. She accepted Christ, was baptized that day and decided to devote her life to serving God.  But then something happened, she wouldn’t elaborate any more than to say that she had been offered a staff position at the church but as she prepared to quit her job and devote her life to God, promises were broken and she was viciously rejected.  She said that she was verbally assaulted by the pastor and he told her that he didn’t owe her anything and if she didn’t like it, she could leave.  She told me that after that she tore up her baptism certificate.  She said that she couldn’t believe that any God would allow someone like that to represent Him and that she has no faith in God or the church.  She said that she didn’t need God before and she doesn’t need Him now, and she will never set foot in another church again.
I could see the pain in her face, and I didn’t know what to say. What could I say?  I had recently left the same church after seeing some dark revelations of my own.  In the last year I got a close look “behind the curtain” and I didn’t like what I saw.  It ranged from irresponsible and negligent to dishonest and immoral.  So like my friend, I left, appalled at what I had seen and like her, I was treated badly on my way out.  Honestly I am ashamed and embarrassed that I had been a part of it for so long.  But unlike her, I grew up a Christian, my faith in God was unbroken but my trust in those who represent him was badly damaged.  I can differentiate between the two of course, I know God’s word is true and he will never forsake me.  But I made the mistake of putting my faith, for several years, in a man and I allowed that misplaced trust to blind me to what was really going on.
I told my friend that I was very sorry for what happened to her. I told her that what she experienced and the pain she endured was not from God and that the way this man treated her was not God’s way.  I told her that I hoped that one day she would find peace with it all and trust God again; He loves her and still wants to have a relationship with her.  I told her that “that church” was a poor representative of what church is supposed to be.  He said the right words on Sunday but didn’t live the message.  She appreciated my words but I could tell that she’s not ready to trust again, and I don’t know if she ever will be.
So what would I say to my former pastor?
People matter to God, and they should have mattered to you.
Sure, your church helped people but there were strings attached and you always kept score. If anyone crossed you or left after receiving your “generosity,” you used your sermons to point out how benevolent you were for tolerating their ungratefulness.  You covered up and committed immoral and unethical acts and hid your true character and that of those around you.  Is that how a pastor behaves?  Is that how a Christian behaves?  Is that how a man behaves?  You, my friend, are a coward.
In 1886 James Freeman Clark wrote a fantastic essay on “manliness” and this excerpt sums it up well:
Lies usually come from cowardice, because men are afraid of standing by their flag, because they shrink from opposition, or because they are conscious of something wrong which they cannot defend, and so conceal. Secret faults, secret purposes, habits of conduct of which we are ashamed, lead to falsehood, and falsehood is cowardice. And thus the sinner is almost necessarily a coward. He shrinks from the light; he hides himself in darkness. Therefore if we wish to be manly, we must not do anything of which we are ashamed. He who lives by firm principles of truth and right, who deceives no one, injures no one, who therefore has nothing to hide, he alone is manly. The bad man may be audacious, but he has no true courage. His manliness is only a pretence, an empty shell, a bold demeanor, with no real firmness behind it.
The last time I attended your church you made an interesting comment about introspection in your sermon and it was very telling. You said that you can’t look at yourself introspectively because it would destroy you. You implied that it is because you’re your own worst critic, but I don’t believe that explanation is the real truth.  I think you lack the courage to allow God to reveal your true self to you.  I believe that deep down you know that to look at yourself introspectively would destroy you because what you would see is not what God intended you to be.  Instead you would see a man who puts himself before God, a man whose gluttonous hunger and insatiable need for adoration and obedience overrides your obligation to do what is right.  A pastor who shamefully turned on his flock and rather than leave it to the wolves, you became the wolf and devoured it yourself.
You did the unthinkable, you ate your own.
You now commune with only a handful of loyal automatons, your congregation of over 700 souls long gone and only your “yes men” are left to worship you. Through your writing and social media you have created an inauthentic world that you describe as a hurricane that only you are strong enough to stand against.  And as you now publically converse with the storm that you created, you share your conversation with a ship of unknowing fools.  You spout your drivel to an online audience that sees only what you allow them to see. You silence any criticism, ridicule truth seekers and block those who know the truth.
I know you have suffered loss and pain throughout the massive crash of the church that you built. You lost your congregation, you lost friends, and you even lost your marriage.  But until you realize that you need to lose yourself, give your life over to God’s will and not your own, you will never achieve your true potential.  You say they left because they weren’t strong enough, weren’t committed enough, and didn’t have vision enough.  What you don’t see is that the church failed because you convinced the members to put their faith in you rather than in God.  You could never possibly live up to that standard, and you need to realize that they left because it was your church and not God’s church.
You do have amazing potential, you are a talented and inspiring speaker and I think you can still be the man God wants you to be. But you are going to have to first recognize the pain you have caused and the incredible damage you have done.  You may never be able to undo that damage but if you genuinely seek forgiveness, it will come.  For many it won’t come easily and it will take time, you will have to humble yourself and acknowledge your failures, but if you do you will be forgiven.  I have hope for you and there is forgiveness in my heart.
Ironically this experience has taught me something I’ve needed to learn for years. Over 15 years ago I was seriously wronged by another and while I often said that someday I would forgive, I also said that I wasn’t ready.  Well thanks to you that day has come.  I realize now that for all these years I have not been living as God would have me live, with forgiveness.  So in an odd way you have been the catalyst to help me find forgiveness, to let go of my bitterness and be free of its burden.  It has been a painful lesson to learn, but I thank you for it, and now I have another more important letter I need to write.