Cannibalistic Christmas Bear

I got home from church today to find my bear skull decked out with a Santa hat, red ball nose and a teddy bear in its mouth.  They called it the Cannibalistic Christmas Bear, because it's eating one of its own.  Works for me.  While Daphne and the girls were away in Alabama I put all the Christmas lights up on the house (Daphne asked me how I got them up on the edge of the roof . . . very carefully I said), cut down a Christmas tree (a blue spruce - don't tell anyone), hauled it up the hill on top of Daphne's Blazer, drug it up the stairs into the living room, and set it up in the tree stand.  This is more impressive when you know the tree is 11 feet tall and very prickly.  I was covered with pine wounds that evening and yes, I'm looking for sympathy.  It was all worth the girls' look of surprise and delight when they got home last night.  Our friends the Larsons came over for lunch and all six girls got busy and decorated the tree.  It looks great.


Mike preached a sermon from Psalm 23 this morning.  The high school was packed again - I would guess well over 400 adults.  Anyway, the sermon was great and very compelling - great job Mike.  Before the sermon he briefly commented on the upcoming installation of our elders next Sunday, and his main point had to do with our vision as a church to encourage women to use their God-given gifts and abilities, including serving in the role of elder.  Yes, I know this is a controversial topic, and we've lost church members who disagree with us theologically on this point.  That's fine, as our church isn't for everyone and it takes all flavors to make up the rich diversity that is the body of Christ.  I do find it interesting, however, that the strongest disagreements almost always come from religious people rather than new believers (or unbelievers) who are simply trying to find God.   I'm not saying that we shouldn't exercise spiritual discernment or ever question what appears to be unbiblical teaching.  We should - in the right spirit and out of a heart of love and concern.  Unfortunately, this almost never happens, and the pastor and church staff are often the last ones to discover the true reasons why someone has left the church.  We learn to shrug our shoulders, wish them the best and move on.  What else can we do?


     One of the things we love about The Journey is the vision to reach those who are far from God and see them become fully devoted followers of Christ, and we'll try almost any crazy idea to accomplish this purpose.  In the process we see many new people join the church who are excited about rediscovering God, and a few who leave because of an offense taken, or because they disagree with some leadership decision.  Maybe our experience is unique, but Daphne and I were part of one congregation in Senegal for 10 years, then another church in France for another 10 years.  Both churches had their share of "issues", and we certainly disagreed with the church leadership at different times.  But we also knew that God had placed us in those churches for a reason, and we deeply valued the fellowship and relationships we enjoyed there.  As the Scriptures say, "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins."  All too often our decision to leave a church - however justified the decision may be - results in an almost complete break of fellowship, and leads to awkward conversations when we inevitably meet up again in the supermarket; "Uhhm, Hi!  How are you?" (awkward moment of silence) "Fine, how are you?"  "Good, good."  " Soooo, I guess I better get on with my shopping..." 


  In the end, how many issues are really worth breaking fellowship over?  The centrality of the cross perhaps, or salvation by grace, but I have never personally known of a church split that happened over a truly foundational Biblical principle being violated.  Instead, we leave because we feel offended over not being asked to lead a particular ministry, or because we can't get along with another church member.  Jesus said that the world would know we are His disciples by the love we have for one another. . . and we wonder why the watching world wants nothing to do with organized religion.  

Boone & Crockett

Bodacious Bear

I picked up the cleaned bear skull a couple of days ago, and the fellow who does the cleaning told me that my bear may qualify to be in the record book! We measured it together and the total length plus width is close to 20.5 inches.  For black bears, anything over 20 is considered a record, and above 21 is considered in the "all-time" record category.  The closest official scorer for Boone & Crockett (the "Guiness Book" of records for all animals killed with a gun world-wide) lives down in Denver, so I need to find time to get "down the hill" (as we say up here) to get it scored.  If he agrees with our unofficial score, then I can get my name in the book!  I knew the bear was big when I saw him. . . I just had no idea how big he really was.  Who'd of thought the missionary-turned-mountain man would bag a record sized bear on his first attempt?  Not this boy.  Now I just need to get a monster-sized elk :)

I am a bachelor this week while Daphne and the girls are in Alabama for Thanksgiving.  I would have gone with them but I was gone all last week and we have ongoing counseling appointments here.  I'll be with my sister Cathi and her family for Thanksgiving day.  Daphne, Nicole and Jacqueline took a girls' road trip and spent two days driving to Birmingham to save the considerable cost to fly all three of them down there.  They had a great time on the way, and the second day they drove along parts of historic Route 66 and stopped to see some famous landmarks.  
     Karine knew nothing about them coming, even though I almost gave it away by mistake when I was on the phone with her the week before I left for Turkey (more on that below).  The rest of the family were in on the surprise, so when Daph and the girls pulled up outside the house Bill started filming.  Karine was literally speechless as they walked in the house - it is hilarious.  They'll spend Thanksgiving with the Birmingham Myers crew and then start driving back home on Friday.


My folks are in Birmingham as well right now.  Dad had surgery on his vocal cords yesterday to remove what was left of a cancerous polyp, and they'll follow up with a laser treatment when the surgery has healed.  Bill told me the growth was deeper than they'd anticipated, but that the surgeon was fairly sure to have gotten what was left. 

The hotel where I spent the night in Istanbul
on my trip home.

As I mentioned above, I was in Antalya, Turkey all of last week attending the last combined NAMESTAN conference before the region is divided into
two new regions.  Henri had invited all those who had 
served on the leadership team over the past 10-12 years to attend the last three days of the conference to honor us for our years of service.  I had mixed emotions when I read the email invitation: our leave taking was difficult for us and for the team we were a part of, and I wasn't looking forward to opening new relational wounds.  However, my time there went much better than I had hoped and I had many good conversations with former teammates.  In the end I felt like I gained some more closure emotionally, and I am better able to close that chapter on our lives in a good way.  At the closing banquet I, along with the other current and former members of the leadership team, was honored with a very nice plaque to thank each of us for our contribution to the ministry in NAMESTAN.  It was a good memory to end on.

I 

Pray for each other? That would be weird.

As Daphne and I continue to meet with couples and individuals for counseling, we can begin to see patterns developing - the same attitudes and behavior being repeated over and over in different situations.  In other words, there's nothing new under the sun, even though in almost every situation the couple/individual honestly believe that no one else could possibly have struggled in the same way.  I'm not discounting the reality of their pain, or the fact that for THEM this is a new struggle.  I'm just saying that we're all human, and as the Bible states, "No temptation has come upon you except that which is common to man..."  So there seems to be a balance between treating each situation as unique, while at the same time recognizing that God has given us principles that are applicable to any similar problem.

We recently met with a couple who've been married for 20+ years.  When they first came I would say the wife was at the absolute end of her rope, and that she saw counseling as the last option before she called it quits.  No pressure for the counselors!  Actually, we've gotten to the place where we don't feel pressure anymore because we weren't the ones who got them to where they are, and they have to embrace the hard work that's required to see healing and restoration in their relationship.  Anyway, as we listened to this couple talk I found myself praying and asking the Lord for His supernatural wisdom and discernment to understand what the REAL issues are.  After awhile I asked them, "Do you ever pray together?"  This may seem like a stupid question for a Christian counselor to ask, but we've realized how seldom most couples even consider the spiritual aspect of their relationship.  We can offer suggestions for different ways of communicating, or how to de-escalate a highly charged argument - but this doesn't necessarily require any spiritual input.  Pagans can learn to get along better than they currently do, and a happy marriage is not reserved only for "spiritual" people.  But if we truly want to experience healing at the deepest levels of our heart and soul, sooner or later we have to reach the point of seeking God's intervention.  The human heart is the realm of the Holy Spirit, and when He gets hold of us at that level it can be a wonder to behold.  We may not begin by talking about God, but at some point in the marriage counseling we need to direct their hearts towards the only one who can truly transform us from the inside out

     Anyway, when I asked the prayer question, they replied that they pray over their dinner, and that they pray together with their daughter at bedtime.  "That's great" I said, "But do you ever pray together, out loud, for each other?"  They looked at each other, then at us with blank expressions on their faces.  After 26 years of marriage this was a totally novel idea.  "Wow, that would be weird", the wife said.  Funny thing about prayer:  we're fine to pray in our heads all day long, but as soon as a situation requires us to pray out loud we get all nervous and self-conscious.  I lead a men's bible study on Saturday mornings, and after eight weeks of talking and sharing with each other - very vulnerably at times - some of the guys are still unwilling to pray out loud in front of the group.  I think it must have to do with the fact that even though prayer is essentially just talking with God like we talk with one another, it feels so much more intimate and private than other conversations.  In the end the couple we were counseling agreed to try praying with and for each other as homework for our next session.  I would bet money that when they sit down together the first time to pray for each other and for their marriage, they won't be able to do it without shedding some tears.  That's the power of prayer.

A "Fair" Event

I finally entered an arts & crafts show on Saturday - my first foray into selling my own artwork.  Boy, it's a lot of work setting up a booth for a one day fair!  Not sure if this was the best venue to display fine art prints: the gal to my right was selling glass angels, and the one to my left was the tie-dye queen.  And a sweet old lady across the way made a killing with her bees-wax lotion... she even wore a little bee antenna hat.  Hmmm - maybe next time I should look for a wild-west art show.  Seriously though, we did meet a lot of people and I got some good exposure as a local artist.  We didn't do too badly on the day either - I think in the end we made up our booth cost and then some.

   It felt kind of weird just sitting there all day - kind of like we were on display too.  It's one thing when you're selling a product for someone else, but something completely different when it's your own artwork.  In hindsight I should have hired some guy named Guido from Queens to stand in the aisle: "Hey you - you wanna buy a nice piece of artwork?  No?  How's about I pays you a visit wit my cousin Vinny some evening?  Oh, you DO wanna buy it - now that's more like it!"  We met some interesting people too.  One guy was chatting quite freely until I mentioned that I'm a pastor at The Journey.  He kind of muttered under his breath that he attends a different church (where the pastor makes no bones about not being a fan of our church) and then beat a hasty retreat.  It's sad, really.  Whatever happened to Jesus's words, "By this shall all men know you are my disciples, by the love you have for one another?"  To be fair, I did meet a great family who moved here from Georgia two years ago.  I was wearing my "Booger Holler" shirt from a restaurant in Blairsville, GA, and he stopped me as I was walking out of the gym thinking I was from there (I had to confess that someone gave me the shirt).  Turns out they're Christians and they attend a church in Bailey, and we compared notes as fellow Colorado greenhorns about our experiences in moving to the mountains.

Speaking of living in the mountains: yesterday evening Danny came over with his electronic fox call to see if we could call in a fox.  I've been trying to trap one for weeks, but they always seem to steal the bait without setting the pressure switch.  Probably a good thing too, since I found out that fox season only just started November 1st.  The fox call worked like a charm, and we shot a black/silver fox after playing the call for about 30 minutes.  This is the perfect time of year for foxes too, because their pelts are thick and healthy.  This particular fox was old, with broken teeth and diseased gums.  It took a little while to skin it, and in the process Danny says, "You smell that?  That's just the way they taste, too."  I'll take his word for it.  Once skinned it looked kind of like an evil zombie cat - really weird.
     Of course, my girls are mad at me this morning for killing it.  They felt sorry for the bear I killed too.  Hey, we live in the mountains now. Apparently our neighbors have been feeding this fox to the point that it was almost tame.  Not anymore they're not.  These are wild animals folks, not neighborhood pets!  They carry diseases and can be a danger to children and small pets.  Deer are one thing, but foxes and coyotes are predators by nature.  Maybe we should put meat out at night so we can get to know the cougars too.

Now I know why plowing snow is hazardous duty

We had our second... no, our third winter storm of the season yesterday.  I would guess that we had about 12 inches at our house by the time it was over.  It's a little hard to see in the picture to the right, but there's a snow plow attached to the front of my truck.   I am hoping to earn a few extra dollars plowing snow this season, thanks to my good friend Scott who basically gifted me with the plow blade.  Anyway, yesterday was my second time to plow "professionally" and it didn't take long for me to realize how potentially hazardous plowing can be. Hidden curbs and telephone poles aside, it would be frighteningly easy to do serious damage to my truck or to someone else's property.  Case in point:  I plow a few driveways just to help out a few friends who haven't been blessed to own their own snow plow.  My friend Tom lives at the top of a very long (200 yards?), very steep (vertical), concrete (very slippery) driveway.  During the last storm I made a valiant but unsuccessful attempt to plow going uphill.... until Big Brian (my neighbor) suggested using gravity by plowing downhill, not up.  Why didn't they teach me that at Auburn?  So, armed with this new, high-tech knowledge I drove to the top of Tom's driveway and plowed going back down.  Wow, so this really works!  Only one problem: as I reached the crest of Mount Everest on my third trip up I realized that by clearing the snow I'd very effectively created a bobsled track - but I wasn't driving a bobsled.  As the truck started sliding backwards I quickly realized that I had two choices: slide off the downward slope and over the edge, or slide into the wooden retaining wall on the other side.  I chose the wall - but my momentum carried me over the wall and smack into a couple of pine trees.  In the process I dislodged a huge (I'm not exaggerating this time) boulder that was now wedged firmly under the truck.  I spent the next 90 minutes on my butt or on my knees in the snow, digging under the boulder in hopes that it would settle low enough for me to drive over.  Didn't work.  Long story, but we finally managed to get the truck out by attaching three tow ropes to the rock and pulling it out from underneath the truck with Tom's Four Runner.  I guess I'm now in the snow plowing, wall rebuilding business.

First Art Show


This Saturday I will have my own booth at the 34th annual Conifer Holiday Boutique along with some 80 other artisans.  I'm a bit nervous, this being the first time I will be selling my own work on a large scale (they expect around 5000 visitors to attend the one-day event).  I plan to display prints of my paintings and my wildlife photography, as well as a few of the wooden signs that I've created over the past few months.  I have to build my own shelves/ walls to display my work in a 10x10 foot area, so most of my evenings and days off for the past two weeks have been spent in the garage hammering and sawing.  I'll only find out tomorrow evening (when I set up my booth) if what I've built is appropriate for the venue or not.  We'll see.  More to come!

Frosty Birthday

49th birthday today - and to celebrate the occasion we got dumped on by over a foot of snow.  I'm not complaining, as we still love the snow.  I recently acquired a snow plow for my pickup truck both to earn a little extra money when it snows, and to plow for the church and a few friends who don't have any means to push the snow around.  It beats the heck out of freezing out in the cold on my ATV.  I went out at 4:30 this morning to start plowing and got home around 8.  So much for sleeping in on your birthday!   I learned a good lesson about plowing snow though: plow with gravity, not against it.  One of the driveways that I plowed is very long, very steep and very slippery.  I tried unsuccessfully to push the snow up the hill, and got stuck several times in the process.  Then a friend suggested that I drive up and plow down.  Now why didn't I think of that?  Must have been some lack in my Auburn education :)  Tonight we'll have a special birthday dinner with another friend who shares the same birthday - along with all our kids.

I've been reading "Necessary Endings" by Dr. Henry Cloud -- a thought provoking book.  Life is full of beginnings and endings. A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot.  We usually embrace the beginnings but we resist the endings.  The fact is, both are a normal part of God's created order, so why do we perceive one as positive and the other as negative?  I am fascinated by the way God reproduces timeless biblical principles in nature: if a vinedresser doesn't prune the grapevine, he will end up with an impenetrable mass of leaves and tiny, useless grapes.  He not only prunes the dead and sick branches, but even the excess healthy branches are cut to favor the production of fruit.

     Henry Cloud speaks of "The Moment" in our lives when we realize that we have to make a painful decision - quit a job, let go of a dream, end an unhealthy relationship.  Truth be told, most of us probably reach a number of these "moments" throughout our lifetime, although we may not see them as such at the time.  I remember "the moment" when I realized that I had to leave my previous ministry role.  I knew that we (our family) would pay a very high price to make such a change, because it would likely mean that we would have to leave France altogether.  This is one of the reasons why we resist these "necessary endings", because they almost always come at great cost to ourselves or our businesses.  But the alternative - to remain in the status quo - can be even more costly in the end because of the long-term negative impact upon us or our business.  We stay too long because change means risk, and better the devil I know than the devil I don't know.  It has been almost two years since we made our big change and the move to Colorado.  We miss our many friendships in France, but this move has proven to be the best decision in the long run for our family.  The crazy part is that I had no intention of leaving France for at least another 5-10 years, and I had many sound reasons to stay.  When we finally did decide to sell our home in Saint Sauveur and pack up all our belongings, we couldn't even say where God was leading us - we had a location (Conifer, Colorado), but no clear direction beyond that.  For most of my adult life I've believed, and challenged others to believe, that God never leads us from Something to Nothing.  Well, He DOES lead us to take a leap of faith at times - maybe just to see if we trust Him enough to let go of our plans.  He was waiting for us here when we arrived, and He's walked the road with us ever since.  God is so good.

I'll sign off now - got people to do and things to see.

reflections from a sleep-deprived state

There are many nights when I wonder if I will ever know what it feels like to wake up in the morning  rested, alert, and with a clear mind.  Instead, I wander the house in the godless hours of the morning, and greet the dawn with a deep, deep weariness that leaves my brain numb and saps my energy and mental acuity.

I don't remember exactly when it was that insomnia became my unwanted and constant companion.  I know for sure that I had my first crisis with restless legs syndrome in 2007, when I went 8 days with no sleep and found myself on the verge of a psychotic episode.  Perhaps at some point the sleep deprivation caused by severe RLS resulted in the loss of a normal sleep pattern, and has left me where I am today.  And where am I today?

     I can't remember the last time that I was able to pick up a book and read for more than 2 minutes without falling asleep.  I have almost given up reading altogether both out of frustration and my inability to retain almost anything that I've read.

     The energy and passion for life that I once enjoyed is now reduced to just trying to get through each day with a positive outlook.  I go through each day feeling dull in the head with a deep tiredness behind my eyes - and by 7 in the evening I can barely keep my eyes open.

     I stopped driving at night several years ago because I will absolutely fall asleep behind the wheel.  On the rare occasions when circumstances force me to drive after dark, I need one of our girls to ride with me to hopefully keep me from falling asleep.  Even then I still wander into the opposite lane and scare myself and my passengers half to death.

     We have been forced to change our social calendar because I am unable to engage emotionally or mentally after 7 pm.  For those who knew me before the insomnia and how intensely I enjoyed fellowship with friends, you can imagine how this new paradigm is killing me. We rarely invite others over or accept evening invitations because I've embarrassed myself too many times by dozing off in the middle of conversations, then waking up in the middle of saying something absurd.  I laugh along with everyone else, but I'm weeping on the inside.  Weeping for the loss of a life I once enjoyed.

     If I could only nap during the daytime and somehow catch up I would probably be OK.  But this thorn in my flesh is a double-edged sword because the very act of dozing off sparks some neuro-chemical trigger that sets off the RLS symptoms - and gone is any hope of sleeping during the day.  I have not enjoyed the bliss of a real nap in at least five years.

     Every part of my being is affected by this ever-present weariness: my creativity, my artistic gifting, my joy and passion for life, my relationships.  Those who have met me in the past five years have never known me in a "normal" state of mind.  I'm not even sure I recognize myself anymore.  I've been prayed over and anointed with oil for healing at least five times.  Friends and family who have known me the longest always ask me how I'm sleeping... and while I appreciate their concern, the fact that I'm now known by my insomnia more than anything else saddens me all the more.  Daphne and the girls seem to almost forget the way I used to be, and my deep tiredness hurts them too because I am so much of the time disengaged emotionally.  This may be the hardest thing of all for me to bear.

     I've asked the questions so many times - "God, why won't you heal me?  Is this the way I'm going to live the rest of my life?  I would rather have chronic pain than this brain-numbing weariness that has robbed me of so much I once enjoyed in life.  How are you glorified by this sleep-deprivation?  I really don't understand what this is all about.  I'm trying to believe experientially what I know to be true theologically - that I am loved and accepted unconditionally; that you are intimately aware of my state; that what should be most important to me is the knowledge of your love."  But the experience of these truths eludes me most of the time these days.

    I am so tired of being tired all the time.  Daphne and I have decided to visit some folks in Colorado Springs who have a ministry of listening and healing prayer, in hopes that God may speak to us in some way to help us understand what this is all about.  I must admit, however, that I don't have much hope that it will make any difference.

I will write again after we've been to the Springs.  Perhaps the Lord may just meet us there.

Redneck Snow Plow

A few days ago I acquired a snowplow blade for my truck, which according to my teammates is an unmistakeable sign that I have become a true Redneck.   My reply was that I already WAS a redneck, and the addition of the snowplow is just one more part of me living the dream.  Mountain Man or Redneck... hmmm, I guess I'll take either designation.  Personally, I just chalk it up to "Redneck Envy".  One guy even told me that he was genuinely jealous when he saw me plowing the church parking lot after our first winter storm on Saturday: "You're living out what has been one of my life-long dreams".  Ha - just as I suspected.  I promised to let him get behind the wheel after the next big snow... for a nominal fee.  At our men's group last Saturday morning I heard about a place where you drive heavy machinery (bulldozers, dump trucks etc) around a big field, dig holes, move mounds of dirt, and basically just have a blast - for a price.  But I totally get it.  We men could probably reduce the stress that's slowly killing us with one monthly dose of testosterone-induced activity like sky-diving, bungee-jumping, or destroying old cars by crushing them in a WWII tank.  So in reality, I'm extending my life expectancy by driving a snow plow.

The story of how I came by this new equipment is worth telling;  My friend Scott has been in the snow-removal business for the last 30 years.  At one time he was running four or five snowplows and a crew of eight guys, but for several reasons the business began to decline about three years ago.  He decided to get rid of one of his plows, and since we both drive Dodge trucks he offered to donate his plow to me on two conditions: that I would take over his job of clearing the church parking lot and the ranch driveway, and that I would be available as a back-up for his two-man crew in the event of a major storm.  He would donate the plow, but I would need to pay $300-400 to install the mounting bracket on the front of my truck.  Around this same time I was praying about the idea of donating my ATV to the church, in hopes that we could find a buyer to help offset some critical short-term ministry expenses.  My biggest concern about getting rid of the quad was how I would plow our 200 yd driveway this winter, but I went ahead and made the decision to donate it by faith.  I was literally on my way to deliver the bike to the church when Scott called with some good news and some bad news.  The bad news was that he'd totalled his truck the previous night when he T-boned a woman who ran a red light.  The good news was that the insurance company would pay him for the snow-plow bracket that was destroyed in the accident, and he in turn would use that money to buy a new bracket for my truck.  What an amazing "coincidence".  I took this as a confirmation that I should accept his offer of the snow plow... and the same night that I hooked it up to the truck we had our first winter storm.  I never cease to be amazed by God's perfect timing.


Bearly Burger

     We had our first bear meat for dinner last night in the form of bear chili.  It was very good, and we couldn't discern any difference in taste from beef chili.  The meat was so lean that I had to add oil to the mix when I was browning it.  I'd heard that bear meat is very fatty, but I tried to keep only the leanest cuts of meat when I was grinding it up.
      Our girls had to get over the idea that they were eating bear meat before they could enjoy the chili.  Funny how we have no aversion to eating beef simply because we grew up with that taste.  I honestly believe that people who won't eat wild game are more put off by the thought than by the taste, but to each his own.  If cattle roamed wild and had to be shot by hunters we would probably all be vegetarians.

I Don't Beg... I Negotiate

     It's official: I'm now certified as a hostage negotiator by the International Association of Hostage Negotiators.  Kind of feels like being all dressed up with no place to go.


     Out of 75 in the class, I was the only one who was neither a cop nor active-duty military.  The training was organized by the PATC (Public Agency Training Council), which is the largest privately held law enforcement training company in the nation.  Since it's a private company, anyone who's willing to put up the money and the time can participate in any of the 100+ courses they offer (all related to law enforcement).  This particular course is taught by the IAHN (above) which was founded by Dominick Misino, a 22 year veteran of the New York Police Department where he served as the primary hostage negotiator for his last 6 years and was involved in over 200 hostage/barricade incidents.  One of his most note worthy cases was the negotiated release of 105 people aboard a hijacked Lufthansa aircraft. The suspect was convinced to allow the pilot to land at JFK international airport and then surrender to Dominick on the runway.  The training was excellent, and all five of the instructors were highly qualified in their respective fields.  We heard from a clinical psychologist who is a consultant and/or primary negotiator in Kidnap for Ransom cases around the world, the former commander of the NYPD hostage negotiation team, the former Director of the Atlanta PD hostage negotiation team, a clinical psychologist from the Miami-Dade PD, and the President of Enforcement Technology Group - a company that specializes in the design and manufacturing of high-tech crisis communications equipment. 

Me with Dominick and Dr. Hugh McGowan,
former commander of the NYPD hostage
negotiation team.  Hugh has over 1500
hostage/barricade incidents in his 35 year
career as a hostage negotiator.

     As I interacted with the other participants throughout the week I quickly came to a stark realization:  most of them come from police departments that have teams of trained hostage negotiators and all the advanced crisis communications equipment they could want or need (not to mention a SWAT team to back them up if the situation goes south).  I, on the other hand, have only myself and this training to turn to in the event that one of the churches or mission agencies that I've trained finds itself in a hostage crisis situation.  That was a sobering thought.

    

Fall is my favorite time of year here.  In the span of only a few days the Aspen trees turn from green to an incredibly brilliant array of yellows, golds and reds.  The Aspens pop out among the evergreen trees all over the mountainside - and in only a few more days they'll all be gone.   

Negotiator's Guide to the Criminally Insane

I learned something about our brains today.  I learned that while high-level, long-term stress may not make a person stupid, it does literally shrink part of your brain.  The good news that the same shrunken brain will return to its normal size once the stress is reduced.  Reminds me of the time I went to Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum as a kid, and the one item that captivated my morbid, pre-teen curiosity more than anything else (amidst thousands of equally strange and bizarre items) were the shrunken heads from the Amazon jungle.  I would imagine these tiny little people with tiny little heads running around the jungle, squeaking in their tiny shrunken-head voices.  Seriously though, I've always wondered how they got those heads to be so small, especially in the Amazon where they don't have the latest head-shrinking technology.  Weird.

So where did I learn this fascinating fact about the brain shrinking under stress (or at least one organ in the brain)?  All this week I am taking part in a training to become certified as a hostage negotiator through the International Association of Hostage Negotiators.  I find it kind of funny to be sitting in a room with 75 cops and military personnel... and me.  At least my name card says "Storm Guides International" and not "Pastor Jim".  There are five different instructors this week, each representing a different area of expertise. Yesterday's instructor is a clinical psychologist and former New York cop who works as a consultant to the NYPD and Scotland Yard in the area of hostage negotiation and kidnap for ransom.  Kidnap for Ransom Insurance is big business today, as you can imagine, and this man travels the world to negotiate the terms of ransom and release on behalf of these insurance companies.  He showed a photo of the suitcase he packs for these negotiation trips, including three different passports, $1000 and 1000 pounds Sterling as escape money, and a rubber chicken (haven't figured that one out yet).  He spoke on Psychological Crisis Intervention which covered stress, suicide, and a plethora of mental disorders including schizophrenia, depression, mania, and personality disorders.  As he explained the characteristics of the various personality disorders I found myself mentally placing the name of a person above each disorder.  I know, it sounds terrible, but I couldn't help myself.  I'm probably suffering from the personality disorder called "compulsion to add names above each disorder" syndrome.  He even said which movies describe various personality disorders, like Fatal Attraction for Borderline Disorder, and Dog Day Afternoon for Avoidant Disorder.   That helped me to understand what he was talking about, because I'll never forget Glenn Close playing the psycho jilted lover in Fatal Attraction.  Every man in the movie theater ran home to tell his wife how much he loves her after watching that film.

The reason why I'm seeking this certification is to be able to assist any of Storm Guide's clients who may end up in a hostage situation.  On my way home from the training yesterday I was thinking about the vast resources that the Denver Police (for example) have at their disposal in the event of a hostage-taking:  a 7 person negotiation team, high-tech hostage negotiation equipment, and a SWAT team armed to the teeth in case the negotiations go bad.  Somehow I feel pitifully prepared should I ever need to use this training.

One final thought:  the instructor showed a clip of a series of interviews that were done with Richard Kuklinski, who is arguably the "greatest" mass murderer of all time.  He estimates that he killed somewhere in the range of 200 people during his career as a deranged serial killer and then a mafia hitman.  His nickname is "Iceman", and you'll understand why when you watch the calm indifference on his face as he describes many of the murders he committed.  You can look them up on You Tube under "Dark Secrets: Inside the Mind of a Mafia Hit man".  The instructor's point was simply this:  there are some personality disorders that are simply untreatable and impossible to reform.  A person like Kuklinski becomes a monster as a result of both genetics and environment.  Perhaps the most fascinating idea of the whole day was that two people with the same genetic pre-disposition for fearlessness can end up as either a murderer or as a hero (test pilot, Navy Seal or firefighter) and a great deal depends upon being raised in an abusive or a loving home.  I don't believe that we're simply victims of our genes or our environment, but it was still fascinating to see the elements that contribute to how we develop into adults.