Pray for each other? That would be weird.

As Daphne and I continue to meet with couples and individuals for counseling, we can begin to see patterns developing - the same attitudes and behavior being repeated over and over in different situations.  In other words, there's nothing new under the sun, even though in almost every situation the couple/individual honestly believe that no one else could possibly have struggled in the same way.  I'm not discounting the reality of their pain, or the fact that for THEM this is a new struggle.  I'm just saying that we're all human, and as the Bible states, "No temptation has come upon you except that which is common to man..."  So there seems to be a balance between treating each situation as unique, while at the same time recognizing that God has given us principles that are applicable to any similar problem.

We recently met with a couple who've been married for 20+ years.  When they first came I would say the wife was at the absolute end of her rope, and that she saw counseling as the last option before she called it quits.  No pressure for the counselors!  Actually, we've gotten to the place where we don't feel pressure anymore because we weren't the ones who got them to where they are, and they have to embrace the hard work that's required to see healing and restoration in their relationship.  Anyway, as we listened to this couple talk I found myself praying and asking the Lord for His supernatural wisdom and discernment to understand what the REAL issues are.  After awhile I asked them, "Do you ever pray together?"  This may seem like a stupid question for a Christian counselor to ask, but we've realized how seldom most couples even consider the spiritual aspect of their relationship.  We can offer suggestions for different ways of communicating, or how to de-escalate a highly charged argument - but this doesn't necessarily require any spiritual input.  Pagans can learn to get along better than they currently do, and a happy marriage is not reserved only for "spiritual" people.  But if we truly want to experience healing at the deepest levels of our heart and soul, sooner or later we have to reach the point of seeking God's intervention.  The human heart is the realm of the Holy Spirit, and when He gets hold of us at that level it can be a wonder to behold.  We may not begin by talking about God, but at some point in the marriage counseling we need to direct their hearts towards the only one who can truly transform us from the inside out

     Anyway, when I asked the prayer question, they replied that they pray over their dinner, and that they pray together with their daughter at bedtime.  "That's great" I said, "But do you ever pray together, out loud, for each other?"  They looked at each other, then at us with blank expressions on their faces.  After 26 years of marriage this was a totally novel idea.  "Wow, that would be weird", the wife said.  Funny thing about prayer:  we're fine to pray in our heads all day long, but as soon as a situation requires us to pray out loud we get all nervous and self-conscious.  I lead a men's bible study on Saturday mornings, and after eight weeks of talking and sharing with each other - very vulnerably at times - some of the guys are still unwilling to pray out loud in front of the group.  I think it must have to do with the fact that even though prayer is essentially just talking with God like we talk with one another, it feels so much more intimate and private than other conversations.  In the end the couple we were counseling agreed to try praying with and for each other as homework for our next session.  I would bet money that when they sit down together the first time to pray for each other and for their marriage, they won't be able to do it without shedding some tears.  That's the power of prayer.