The last couple of days have been eye-opening for us (what's new?). Two days ago Daphne and I took a long, slippery walk in the snow to talk and pray through the situation with the house we want to buy. The bank had already rejected our loan application due to my new, self-employed status (they want to see two years of history with a steady income before granting a loan). I could have pushed the issue by asking for an extension in the closing date and try to find another lender. However, after we took time to talk and pray we both came to the same conclusion: we should let the house go, and trust God for a house in His time and His way. After all, if I manage to finagle my own solution, we would always wonder whether we'd been following the Lord's leading, or our own. As soon as we got home I called our realtor and the mortgage broker to inform them of our decision to terminate the contract. I admit that for several days over the weekend I was troubled and frustrated, and I wanted to find SOME way to make this deal go through. However, once we made the decision to let it go, I was amazed by the peaceful reassurance we both felt that God is truly in control. Maybe one day I'll be able to find the same peace on the FRONT end of a personal crisis.
Yesterday morning I got a call from our realtor, and he said, "You should expect a couple of phone calls today." Not being satisfied to simply end the deal, he'd taken it upon himself to talk to the Director of his real-estate agency about our problem, and Kevin (the Director) called a personal friend, who is personal friends with the President of a local bank... and to make a long story short we just got home from signing another loan application! So our hopes for this house are still alive. Here's the ironic part: I just got a phone call from the President of Mountain Movers. The whole problem with the first bank was the way our income is reported; as a result, Mountain Movers checked with their accountant, who just told them that they can provide the documentation we needed in the first place. It's as though the Lord is saying: I just wanted you to know that I could have caused the first loan to work out - I just wanted to see if you would trust me or not.
I was thinking about all these issues this morning, and the fact that my employment status is still very tenuous, when I read the story at the end of Matthew 17 about Peter, Jesus and the "money fish". What a great story! Peter is confronted by the tax man, who basically accuses Jesus of being a tax-evader. Peter (not knowing what else to say) replies that of course Jesus pays all his taxes. I imagine Peter was still mulling this over in his mind as he entered the house, when Jesus asks him a question seemingly out of the blue: "Peter, do earthly kings ask their own children to pay taxes, or strangers?" Maybe Peter understood by now that Jesus seemed to have this uncanny ability to know what he was thinking. I would have wanted to say, "Wow, that's scary! I'd better be careful what I think about!". But Peter just answers the question. Even though the Sons of the Kingdom are free from obligation, to avoid offending the tax collector Jesus sends Peter out to catch a "money fish" and pay the required tax. One fish. The first fish that would bite his hook. And the fish would just "happen" to have the exact amount of tax required for two people - Jesus and Peter. Think about all the things that Jesus had to coordinate for this to work: the fish had to swallow the coin, then swim to the precise spot at the precise time that Peter would throw in his hook, and then be the first one to take the bait. I can imagine Peter thinking, "Say what? Do what?" But he went anyway, and apparently everything happened just as Jesus said it would. This funny little anecdote feels like it is just stuck in as an afterthought, but it was just what I needed to hear this morning. If Jesus can take care of Peter's tax problems with a money-fish, then why should I worry about how we'll get a loan, or pay for health insurance, or anything else? After all, it's only money right? That's easy for God. What's more difficult for God is to trust that in my own free will I'll choose to believe His promises.
What a wild ride.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Whatever
Daphne and I are sitting here this morning, watching the snow fall and listening to the fire crackling. We found out yesterday that tomorrow is the day - we'll either find a solution for a bank loan, or we'll have to let this particular home go. We thought we had until the 15th, but several competing factors have brought that deadline forward to tomorrow. Daphne's been reminding me of some of our "Holy Deadlines" from our life together:
When we were married in South Africa 1991, Daphne was a South African citizen and was therefore required to have a visa for the U.S. After our wedding in Johannesburg, and before setting off for a week's honeymoon, we gave strict instructions to the church secretary: Do NOT under any circumstances put our application for a full marriage certificate (required by U.S. Immigration) in the mail, but take it by hand to the nearest Home Affairs office. South Africa's postal service was notorious for losing mail, and we didn't have time to spare if the certificate was lost. We left in our lovers' bliss, with the reassurance that all would be taken care of. We returned a week later, only to discover that the form HAD been mailed, and was nowhere to be found. Our plane tickets were purchased, but we needed the U.S. visa to leave - and for the visa we needed the full marriage certificate, and God only knew where it was in the postal system. We frantically called every post office in the area to figure out where the form was, but to no avail. We finally reached a point where we had done all we could do, and there was nothing left but to cast ourselves upon the Lord.... and wait. I actually did such a good job of putting the whole affair in the Lord's hands that I pulled out a book and settled down for a good read. Daphne asked me, "What are you doing? Shouldn't we be making some more calls?" I said there wasn't anything left to do. Several hours later we got in the car and drove to the local Home Affairs office - thinking, "what the heck, we've got nothing to lose." We walked in, spoke to the first person behind the counter and explained our predicament. He literally turned, looked on the counter behind him and said, "Oh, here it is. It just came in."
Several weeks later we were in the U.S., and our new challenge was to acquire a U.S. passport for Daphne, without which it would have been impossible for her to gain entry into Senegal where our team and ministry awaited our return. We filled out all the immigration forms, turned them in, and left for cross-cultural training. Three months later we went in to see what progress had been made on our file, only to hear the words, "We have no file in your name. You'll have to start all over again." Now we were in a pickle, because we had only weeks left before we wanted and needed to fly to Senegal - and U.S. Immigration does NOT move at a fast pace. Someone suggested that we ask for help from a U.S. Congressman for Georgia, so we went to his office and pled our case with one of the administrators who worked for him. To make a very long story short, in a matter of weeks we found ourselves standing in the office of the Deputy Director of Immigration as Daphne was sworn in as a U.S. citizen. Then there was the issue of her passport. We (once again) had our plane tickets purchased, and only a couple of weeks left. Passports normally take at least two months to prepare, but the woman in the Congressman's office gave us the name of a personal friend who worked in the passport office in Miami and told us to FedEx the forms down there, with a paid FedEx envelope for the return. We sent it off, and waited, and waited, and waited. We were two days away from our departure date when we came home from running some errands and found the FedEx envelope sitting inside the screen door, with Daphne's passport inside.
Of course, the most recent example of God's divine intervention was the sale of our home and our car in France only days before our scheduled departure for America, and our new life here. So we should be used to this by now, right? We shouldn't find it any trouble at all to put our lives and plans into the Lord's hands - with the peaceful reassurance that He is fully in control, right? I wish. Yet once more we're faced with a major obstacle before us. We have done all our due diligence in pursuing the purchase of this home. We went forward in faith that the loan would be no problem - after all, we intend to plunk down over half the purchase price of the home in cash from the sale of our house in France. I've spent two virtually sleepless nights, trying to understand why this is happening. At this point there is absolutely nothing more we can do but wait, and trust the Lord, and see what happens. Daph and I have decided to call this point the "Whatever Stage"; we have to get to the point where we can say, "Ok Lord, whatever. If we get this home, great. If we don't, fine. Whatever."
I had a long conversation with my brother John yesterday. He brought this thought to my attention: Jesus compares us to a flower in Matthew 6, when He describes what our attitude should be when it comes to trusting God to provide for our food, clothing and shelter. So, what does a flower DO to provide for itself? Well, it doesn't DO anything - except for one thing. Throughout the day that flower turns it's head to stay in the light of the sun. Other than that, it just sits there. So here is our prayer for today; we want to - once more - rest and be at peace in our hearts, and turn our faces towards the Son of God, who loves us with such a deep love, and relax.
Who knows what will happen tomorrow? In the end, it doesn't really matter.
When we were married in South Africa 1991, Daphne was a South African citizen and was therefore required to have a visa for the U.S. After our wedding in Johannesburg, and before setting off for a week's honeymoon, we gave strict instructions to the church secretary: Do NOT under any circumstances put our application for a full marriage certificate (required by U.S. Immigration) in the mail, but take it by hand to the nearest Home Affairs office. South Africa's postal service was notorious for losing mail, and we didn't have time to spare if the certificate was lost. We left in our lovers' bliss, with the reassurance that all would be taken care of. We returned a week later, only to discover that the form HAD been mailed, and was nowhere to be found. Our plane tickets were purchased, but we needed the U.S. visa to leave - and for the visa we needed the full marriage certificate, and God only knew where it was in the postal system. We frantically called every post office in the area to figure out where the form was, but to no avail. We finally reached a point where we had done all we could do, and there was nothing left but to cast ourselves upon the Lord.... and wait. I actually did such a good job of putting the whole affair in the Lord's hands that I pulled out a book and settled down for a good read. Daphne asked me, "What are you doing? Shouldn't we be making some more calls?" I said there wasn't anything left to do. Several hours later we got in the car and drove to the local Home Affairs office - thinking, "what the heck, we've got nothing to lose." We walked in, spoke to the first person behind the counter and explained our predicament. He literally turned, looked on the counter behind him and said, "Oh, here it is. It just came in."
Several weeks later we were in the U.S., and our new challenge was to acquire a U.S. passport for Daphne, without which it would have been impossible for her to gain entry into Senegal where our team and ministry awaited our return. We filled out all the immigration forms, turned them in, and left for cross-cultural training. Three months later we went in to see what progress had been made on our file, only to hear the words, "We have no file in your name. You'll have to start all over again." Now we were in a pickle, because we had only weeks left before we wanted and needed to fly to Senegal - and U.S. Immigration does NOT move at a fast pace. Someone suggested that we ask for help from a U.S. Congressman for Georgia, so we went to his office and pled our case with one of the administrators who worked for him. To make a very long story short, in a matter of weeks we found ourselves standing in the office of the Deputy Director of Immigration as Daphne was sworn in as a U.S. citizen. Then there was the issue of her passport. We (once again) had our plane tickets purchased, and only a couple of weeks left. Passports normally take at least two months to prepare, but the woman in the Congressman's office gave us the name of a personal friend who worked in the passport office in Miami and told us to FedEx the forms down there, with a paid FedEx envelope for the return. We sent it off, and waited, and waited, and waited. We were two days away from our departure date when we came home from running some errands and found the FedEx envelope sitting inside the screen door, with Daphne's passport inside.
Of course, the most recent example of God's divine intervention was the sale of our home and our car in France only days before our scheduled departure for America, and our new life here. So we should be used to this by now, right? We shouldn't find it any trouble at all to put our lives and plans into the Lord's hands - with the peaceful reassurance that He is fully in control, right? I wish. Yet once more we're faced with a major obstacle before us. We have done all our due diligence in pursuing the purchase of this home. We went forward in faith that the loan would be no problem - after all, we intend to plunk down over half the purchase price of the home in cash from the sale of our house in France. I've spent two virtually sleepless nights, trying to understand why this is happening. At this point there is absolutely nothing more we can do but wait, and trust the Lord, and see what happens. Daph and I have decided to call this point the "Whatever Stage"; we have to get to the point where we can say, "Ok Lord, whatever. If we get this home, great. If we don't, fine. Whatever."
I had a long conversation with my brother John yesterday. He brought this thought to my attention: Jesus compares us to a flower in Matthew 6, when He describes what our attitude should be when it comes to trusting God to provide for our food, clothing and shelter. So, what does a flower DO to provide for itself? Well, it doesn't DO anything - except for one thing. Throughout the day that flower turns it's head to stay in the light of the sun. Other than that, it just sits there. So here is our prayer for today; we want to - once more - rest and be at peace in our hearts, and turn our faces towards the Son of God, who loves us with such a deep love, and relax.
Who knows what will happen tomorrow? In the end, it doesn't really matter.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Lord, we're trying hard to trust you - where are we going?
It is midnight, and here we are yet once again. Not even sure where to start this time in describing where we find ourselves. As soon as I write this the only thing I can think of is to get on my knees and pour out my confused soul to the Lord.
About a week ago our application for independent health insurance was rejected, because I was honest in answering the questions and I said that I'd been on medication for anxiety and had been diagnosed with mild to moderate sleep apnea. Our family is in the peak of health - but because of my burn-out last summer we apparently cannot benefit from a reasonably priced health plan, which probably leaves me no choice right now but to pay the high price for continuation of our previous group coverage. I just wish I knew how much our income will be a year - or even six months from now.
Five days ago our home in France finally closed.... and the euro promptly took it's deepest dive in six months against the dollar. The end result (as of today) is a net loss of $15,000 of income we would have received to help us in the purchase and renovation of our new home. Of course, that's all theoretical because our funds were wired from France three days ago and for some strange reason they haven't shown up in our account here... and the Euro continues to plummet as each hour passes.
I have been unable to get more than 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night for the past week - and hardly more than that for the past six months. In reality, I don't think I've slept through the night for almost two years, and I can hardly remember what it feels like to be fully awake and rested.
My partnership with Crisis Consulting International is tenuous at present as my board and I try to figure out a mutually agreeable and beneficial working relationship with Bob Klamser and his board of Directors. Once again we find ourselves trying to set a date for a face-to-face meeting, but can't seem to find a time that will work for everyone involved. So we wait.
And yesterday I was informed by our mortgage broker that our loan application has been rejected because of my change in status from employee of Campus Crusade to self-employed contractor with Mountain Movers. I called another broker, and was told that virtually no bank will give us a loan until I have two years of experience as self-employed. Today is February 5th, and if we don't have a loan agreement signed by the 15th we lose the contract on the house. But the only way to get a loan is to be employed... so where do we go now?
The clock is ticking, our money is flowing freely down the drain, and there's literally nothing we can do but sit and watch.
Lord, I know you haven't called us to a simple life. You know that we've walked by faith in making some very difficult and risky decisions over the past six months, and now those same decisions are seemingly coming back to haunt us. My heart wants to trust you and hang on yet once again, but my soul is struggling to keep up. We've watched you work miracles in selling our house and car in France in less than one week - knowing we had our plane tickets in hand to move to Colorado. Well, we're here now, and once again our lives have been turned upside down. I know that you love us, and that you have a wonderful plan in mind..... I'm just feeling tired and confused tonight, and I don't know where we're supposed to go from here. All we can do as a family is to look back; back at your faithfulness, back at your provision, back at all your promises.
We're stuck Lord, so whatever happens from here is all on you.
About a week ago our application for independent health insurance was rejected, because I was honest in answering the questions and I said that I'd been on medication for anxiety and had been diagnosed with mild to moderate sleep apnea. Our family is in the peak of health - but because of my burn-out last summer we apparently cannot benefit from a reasonably priced health plan, which probably leaves me no choice right now but to pay the high price for continuation of our previous group coverage. I just wish I knew how much our income will be a year - or even six months from now.
Five days ago our home in France finally closed.... and the euro promptly took it's deepest dive in six months against the dollar. The end result (as of today) is a net loss of $15,000 of income we would have received to help us in the purchase and renovation of our new home. Of course, that's all theoretical because our funds were wired from France three days ago and for some strange reason they haven't shown up in our account here... and the Euro continues to plummet as each hour passes.
I have been unable to get more than 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night for the past week - and hardly more than that for the past six months. In reality, I don't think I've slept through the night for almost two years, and I can hardly remember what it feels like to be fully awake and rested.
My partnership with Crisis Consulting International is tenuous at present as my board and I try to figure out a mutually agreeable and beneficial working relationship with Bob Klamser and his board of Directors. Once again we find ourselves trying to set a date for a face-to-face meeting, but can't seem to find a time that will work for everyone involved. So we wait.
And yesterday I was informed by our mortgage broker that our loan application has been rejected because of my change in status from employee of Campus Crusade to self-employed contractor with Mountain Movers. I called another broker, and was told that virtually no bank will give us a loan until I have two years of experience as self-employed. Today is February 5th, and if we don't have a loan agreement signed by the 15th we lose the contract on the house. But the only way to get a loan is to be employed... so where do we go now?
The clock is ticking, our money is flowing freely down the drain, and there's literally nothing we can do but sit and watch.
Lord, I know you haven't called us to a simple life. You know that we've walked by faith in making some very difficult and risky decisions over the past six months, and now those same decisions are seemingly coming back to haunt us. My heart wants to trust you and hang on yet once again, but my soul is struggling to keep up. We've watched you work miracles in selling our house and car in France in less than one week - knowing we had our plane tickets in hand to move to Colorado. Well, we're here now, and once again our lives have been turned upside down. I know that you love us, and that you have a wonderful plan in mind..... I'm just feeling tired and confused tonight, and I don't know where we're supposed to go from here. All we can do as a family is to look back; back at your faithfulness, back at your provision, back at all your promises.
We're stuck Lord, so whatever happens from here is all on you.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Cowboy hats and Mountain homes
Our Mountain Home I didn't realize how long it has been since I made an entry in my blog! Time simply flies by too quickly. Our good news is that we signed the contract to purchase a home last Friday - we're so excited! God is so good to us - we will have 6.5 acres of land, incredible views, and the living space we've asked the Lord for. We've always loved for our home to be a place of warmth and blessing, and He has been pleased to fill our guestroom with many wonderful friends and family members over the years. So our hope and prayer has been that He would provide a home with room to spare - and He has answered our prayer. After we convert the laundry room into a bedroom, we'll have the five bedrooms we've wanted. The house was built in 1978, and it needs some work... but we just had it inspected and the structure is solid. We'll need to change some windows, carpeting etc, BUT, to have this much land and to be in the mountains is the Lord's answer to the desire of our hearts. Back in July when my counselor told me to let my heart be free to dream - I could not have even imagined where God has brought us to today. We are hoping to close on the sale by the 26th of February, and move in shortly after we've done some of the work on the house. Oh, and another piece of good news - our home in France is (as of today) officially sold! It's too bad that the Euro is taking a beating right now, as we were counting on using the extra funds for the renovations on our new home. I've been watching the exchange rates like a hawk... but for some reason my worrying hasn't changed the rate by even one point. What's up with that? I guess the Lord has some other solution than our making a killing in the currency conversion.
Cowboy Jim
There's one thing I absolutely love about living here: I can wear my cowboy hat and cowboy boots - and no one even blinks an eye. In fact, last Sunday at church I was one of four or five guys wearing hats and boots. This past week I've spent quite a bit of time with a real Cowboy who I'll call Henry (I don't want to use his real name). I met him last Sunday through a mutual friend, and he came to the home group that a few of us have started on Sunday evenings. 
Henry is either a brand-new Christian, or He's just gotten his life back on track with the Lord. In any case, he's working through a lot of issues right now in his marriage and his personal life. He called me on Monday morning and asked if we could get together and talk. I had some time later that day, and we took a drive in my Cowboy Jim truck and talked for a couple of hours. I am still amazed at the people God keeps bringing across our path; folks who are struggling, or hurting, or who've been through some major life crisis in the recent past. Henry shared something that happened in his life 27 years ago that has kept him in emotional bondage ever since. As we talked, I
We're still in "limbo" regarding my partnership with Crisis Consulting International; I'm hoping that I will be able to meet with Bob Klamser (the president of the organization) with a member of my own advisory board and the chairman of his board, to see if we can find a mutually beneficial solution. I have lots of ideas and energy to give, but I'm not sure if what I have to offer is what CCI needs the most at this time. In the meantime I am working on developing my second business venture, which is selling my artwork. I will meet tomorrow with a woman who is a marketing agent for several local artists, and I'm hopeful that she'll add me to her artist 'roster'. I'm in the middle of a new painting of a bull elk, and I'll add a photo of it to one of my next blog entries. I don't think I've ever painted with such energy and excitement - at least not since I was a kid. This is so much fun ;)
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Walking on the Water
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"And Peter answered Him and said, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.' So He said, 'Come.' And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to Jesus."
Matthew 15:22-33.
I have been stuck on this passage for a couple of weeks now - there are so many things about it that fascinate me, and so many lessons about how Jesus intersects with our lives. Think about this: the disciples had just seen (and participated in) an incredible miracle: Jesus fed 10,000+ people with five loaves of bread and two fish. The crowd was excited, everyone was talking about it... and then it says that Jesus MADE the disciples get into the boat. In French it is even stronger - it says, "Jesus obliged them to get into the boat." In the disciples' place I would have said to Jesus, "Why? This is a great place to be! It's too early to leave. What will the crowd think of us if we get up and leave now?" And how often does Jesus ask us to do something that makes NO SENSE at all? Even more, He may ask us to do something that will look completely bizarre to those around us, and just like the disciples, our actions could be misunderstood or even criticized. But to their credit, they obeyed anyway. Jesus, who hadn't had any time alone to grieve the death of his cousin John, went up on the mountain to pray and to be comforted by His Father. He stayed there until 3 a.m.
Of course, the disciples took the only available boat - so Jesus just walked on the water out to where they were. Remember, it's 3 am, so it would have been very dark, and Jesus would have to walk very close to the boat to even be seen. They freaked out (who wouldn't?), until Jesus spoke His reassuring words, "It's OK - it's me. Don't be afraid". Jesus came out to them in a manner they were not expecting, and He caught them by surprise. I know those who knew and loved Kenny were not expecting to meet Jesus in the midst of this tragedy... but He showed up anyway. In a big way. I have a sense that this community will be forever marked by the events of this past week, and like the characters in the Narnia series would say, "Aslan is on the move."
So, in the midst of the fear and confusion of seeing Jesus walking on the water in the middle of the night, Peter does the OPPOSITE thing to what I would have done. I would have begged Jesus to get into the boat and calm the storm, like He did the first time. But not Peter - he asks Jesus to prove to him in some astounding way that it really WAS Him.... "If it's you, tell me to walk on the water to you." You've got to love Peter's faith and courage. So Jesus simply said, "Come" - so Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water. I sense there's something in this story for me today. Daphne and I keep finding ourselves faced with circumstances and challenges that cause us to be afraid, or to doubt whether this is really part of Jesus' plan. Like Peter, I want to say, "OK Jesus; it looks like you, and it sounds like your voice - but the manner of your coming is freaking me out a little bit. So show me in some definitive way that it's really you." I wonder how He'll respond?
On a final note, I've been working hard to get my website up and running, to display and sell my artwork and photography. The address is www.wildlife-design.com if anyone is interested to see my latest pieces. I am now in a great position to print high quality prints onto canvas or watercolor paper, and the results are truly stunning. Check it out and tell me what you think!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Some sadness
I’m writing this from St. Louis Missouri where I’m working with the security team for the 2009 Urbana Student Missions Conference. Cricon (Crisis Consulting International) has handled security for this conference since 1993. We have fourteen on our team, most of them current or former law enforcement – so I’m one of the only ones not carrying a weapon. Actually, in all the years CCI has been running security for this conference they have never needed to draw a weapon. I was talking to a couple of the guys on the security team and I made the remark that in any other crowd of 17,000 people we would have multiple incidents each session (fights, drunken disorderliness etc); it’s a testimony to the Lord’s presence here that the conference runs so smoothly. Each night after the last session we divide into teams to patrol the routes that the participants walk to get back to their hotels, just to be sure they make it safely. Last night one of our teams was flagged down by some of the students who were concerned about a woman who was "sick" and needed help. She was sick alright... and stone drunk. The guys took away her car keys (she wasn't from the conference) and stayed with her until the Saint Louis cops arrived to take over.
Being here has been a strange experience for me. I was just attending a seminar called “Islamic Terrorism – How Shall We Then Live?” As I was listening to the speaker describe the current situation in the Middle East, I was surprised by the feelings of grief that welled up in my heart that we are no longer involved in NAMESTAN. I thought to myself “I could be teaching this seminar” – not in a prideful way, but it felt strange to be present as a member of the security team and not one of those involved in running the seminars. I don’t doubt the Lord’s leading for us to return to the States, but it is still a hard reality for me to emotionally accept that in our “new life” here I have no status or recognition. There are aspects of being known only for who we are and not what we do that are both refreshing and encouraging. But I guess I wasn’t expecting the feelings of sadness that well up from time to time. I’ve watched our girls as they have been navigating the waters of reverse culture shock, thinking that I had managed to remain unscathed by all our transitions. I was wrong. I love Colorado, and we love living in the mountains - that’s not the issue. I guess these are some of the harder realities that come with a mid-career change.
About a week before Christmas we joined our friend Kathy for some Cowboy Caroling down the hill in the town of Golden. We thought it was an annual event, but we found out later that this was the first time they tried it - no wonder the neighbors were so surprised to see a bunch of singing cowboys and cowgirls show up in front of their homes! It was a lot of fun, and the singing wasn’t half bad for a bunch of people who had never practiced singing together. There weren’t enough horses for all the singers, so Daphne took pictures while I rang the doorbells. There was even a Christmas parrot that joined the parade. A few days later Jacqueline and I went ice-skating on Evergreen lake – our first time to skate on anything but an ice-rink where there are walls to hold on to. Actually, we found out it was easier to skate BECAUSE there were no walls to hold on to. Of course, the bruise on my left hip will remain with me as a reminder that I am still not a competent skater, but it was worth it to have time with Jacqueline.
Being here has been a strange experience for me. I was just attending a seminar called “Islamic Terrorism – How Shall We Then Live?” As I was listening to the speaker describe the current situation in the Middle East, I was surprised by the feelings of grief that welled up in my heart that we are no longer involved in NAMESTAN. I thought to myself “I could be teaching this seminar” – not in a prideful way, but it felt strange to be present as a member of the security team and not one of those involved in running the seminars. I don’t doubt the Lord’s leading for us to return to the States, but it is still a hard reality for me to emotionally accept that in our “new life” here I have no status or recognition. There are aspects of being known only for who we are and not what we do that are both refreshing and encouraging. But I guess I wasn’t expecting the feelings of sadness that well up from time to time. I’ve watched our girls as they have been navigating the waters of reverse culture shock, thinking that I had managed to remain unscathed by all our transitions. I was wrong. I love Colorado, and we love living in the mountains - that’s not the issue. I guess these are some of the harder realities that come with a mid-career change.
About a week before Christmas we joined our friend Kathy for some Cowboy Caroling down the hill in the town of Golden. We thought it was an annual event, but we found out later that this was the first time they tried it - no wonder the neighbors were so surprised to see a bunch of singing cowboys and cowgirls show up in front of their homes! It was a lot of fun, and the singing wasn’t half bad for a bunch of people who had never practiced singing together. There weren’t enough horses for all the singers, so Daphne took pictures while I rang the doorbells. There was even a Christmas parrot that joined the parade. A few days later Jacqueline and I went ice-skating on Evergreen lake – our first time to skate on anything but an ice-rink where there are walls to hold on to. Actually, we found out it was easier to skate BECAUSE there were no walls to hold on to. Of course, the bruise on my left hip will remain with me as a reminder that I am still not a competent skater, but it was worth it to have time with Jacqueline.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Colorado Christmas
The fire is crackling in the fireplace, the sun is shining, and we all slept in late - life is good ;)
We had a really funny situation last night. We were invited over for dinner with our new friends Tim and Kathy, and Kathy had invited two other couples to meet us as well. We arrived around 6:30, and Tim met us at the door and said something like, "Come on in. We're pretty laid back this evening". We went upstairs and Kathy met us in sweatpants with a paintbrush in her hand. She had a funny look on her face - and it was one of those awkward moments when you suddenly realize that you came on the wrong evening. We all started laughing, and Tim said, "Well, since you're here, why don't we order some pizzas and watch a movie!" It was hilarious, and their relaxed attitude immediately relieved our embarrassment. We stayed until almost 10 pm, and tonight we're going back for the replay :)
Tim and I went out to pick up some pizzas, and of course we had to stop by the store to buy some beer first (after all, that's what you do in America, right?). I can't remember what we were talking about, but as we got out of the car I said said something like, "I'm still trying to figure it out..." There was a woman standing outside the store smoking a cigarette, and she said in her gravely voice, "Hey, when you get it figured out, let me know - 'cause I'm still trying to get it all figured out!". We ended up on the same aisle inside the store, and Tim and I watched in amazement as she picked up two cartons of 30 cans of beer each. I asked her (tongue in cheek) if she thought she could make due with only 60 cans. "After the day I've had," She said, "I'll probably drink one whole carton tonight." We checked out, then drove around the corner to pick up a couple of pizzas. We were standing there waiting for our order, and the same lady walked in. Tim looked at her and said, "Are you stalking us?" We laughed, and I turned to the cashier and said, "She'll probably be ordering four pizzas for herself." As we left Tim said to her in passing "We're going back to my house now - see you there." I loved it. It was a great example of the small-town atmosphere that we so much enjoy.
Our shipment arrived two days ago, and our friend Sharon came with a U-Haul to pick up her belongings from the container, along with a couple of guys from her church. There's still quite a bit of snow on the ground, and the truck driver tried unsuccessfully about 10 times to back the truck into our driveway. They even put chains on the tires - but no luck. He finally drove straight in, and we got the whole thing unloaded with no personal injuries or broken furniture. Our only regret is that we'll have to load it all up again to move to our new home in the next month or two.
I spent last Thursday evening with two men from the church. The normal men's group had been cancelled, so I suggested to these two guys that we meet for some fellowship. I've mentioned them in a previous blog: Scott and Carrie are the couple who've lost three of their four children in the past five years - two by motorcycle accident in 2004, and the third who died December 27th two years ago - at age 17. This will be the first Christmas since their son Chris's death that they will remain home for Christmas; the last two years they left home because the pain was simply too great to bear. Ted is the fellow who's lost virtually everything he has in the past two years - his home in Maryland, his ability to work through an accident a year ago this month, and he's estranged from all three of his sons. He and his wife Bea live in a two room cabin that they're heating with the wood stove, and they struggle to pay the $600 rent each month. You know, every time I'm tempted to have a pity party for myself the Lord introduces me to people who are living through pain that I can scarcely imagine. Their reality just seems to bring life into focus.
As we sat in Scott's living room talking and crying together, I told them how amazing it is that this Christmas will be so significant for all three of our families - for different reasons, and in different circumstances - and yet we have the opportunity to care for one another during what can be a very difficult Christmas season. There's just something very healing in that thought.
God really does love us, and He really does care how His children feel; I can see this in how He has brought us together with these two families, with Tim and Kathy, and with this church. I am a grateful man.
I just returned from a driving lesson with Karine, and we came upon these beautiful deer - what a great place to live.
We had a really funny situation last night. We were invited over for dinner with our new friends Tim and Kathy, and Kathy had invited two other couples to meet us as well. We arrived around 6:30, and Tim met us at the door and said something like, "Come on in. We're pretty laid back this evening". We went upstairs and Kathy met us in sweatpants with a paintbrush in her hand. She had a funny look on her face - and it was one of those awkward moments when you suddenly realize that you came on the wrong evening. We all started laughing, and Tim said, "Well, since you're here, why don't we order some pizzas and watch a movie!" It was hilarious, and their relaxed attitude immediately relieved our embarrassment. We stayed until almost 10 pm, and tonight we're going back for the replay :)
Tim and I went out to pick up some pizzas, and of course we had to stop by the store to buy some beer first (after all, that's what you do in America, right?). I can't remember what we were talking about, but as we got out of the car I said said something like, "I'm still trying to figure it out..." There was a woman standing outside the store smoking a cigarette, and she said in her gravely voice, "Hey, when you get it figured out, let me know - 'cause I'm still trying to get it all figured out!". We ended up on the same aisle inside the store, and Tim and I watched in amazement as she picked up two cartons of 30 cans of beer each. I asked her (tongue in cheek) if she thought she could make due with only 60 cans. "After the day I've had," She said, "I'll probably drink one whole carton tonight." We checked out, then drove around the corner to pick up a couple of pizzas. We were standing there waiting for our order, and the same lady walked in. Tim looked at her and said, "Are you stalking us?" We laughed, and I turned to the cashier and said, "She'll probably be ordering four pizzas for herself." As we left Tim said to her in passing "We're going back to my house now - see you there." I loved it. It was a great example of the small-town atmosphere that we so much enjoy.
Our shipment arrived two days ago, and our friend Sharon came with a U-Haul to pick up her belongings from the container, along with a couple of guys from her church. There's still quite a bit of snow on the ground, and the truck driver tried unsuccessfully about 10 times to back the truck into our driveway. They even put chains on the tires - but no luck. He finally drove straight in, and we got the whole thing unloaded with no personal injuries or broken furniture. Our only regret is that we'll have to load it all up again to move to our new home in the next month or two.
I spent last Thursday evening with two men from the church. The normal men's group had been cancelled, so I suggested to these two guys that we meet for some fellowship. I've mentioned them in a previous blog: Scott and Carrie are the couple who've lost three of their four children in the past five years - two by motorcycle accident in 2004, and the third who died December 27th two years ago - at age 17. This will be the first Christmas since their son Chris's death that they will remain home for Christmas; the last two years they left home because the pain was simply too great to bear. Ted is the fellow who's lost virtually everything he has in the past two years - his home in Maryland, his ability to work through an accident a year ago this month, and he's estranged from all three of his sons. He and his wife Bea live in a two room cabin that they're heating with the wood stove, and they struggle to pay the $600 rent each month. You know, every time I'm tempted to have a pity party for myself the Lord introduces me to people who are living through pain that I can scarcely imagine. Their reality just seems to bring life into focus.
As we sat in Scott's living room talking and crying together, I told them how amazing it is that this Christmas will be so significant for all three of our families - for different reasons, and in different circumstances - and yet we have the opportunity to care for one another during what can be a very difficult Christmas season. There's just something very healing in that thought.
God really does love us, and He really does care how His children feel; I can see this in how He has brought us together with these two families, with Tim and Kathy, and with this church. I am a grateful man.
I just returned from a driving lesson with Karine, and we came upon these beautiful deer - what a great place to live.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Life Below Zero
Well, we sure picked the winter to arrive in Colorado! The past few days have seen some of the coldest temperatures on record, and it is not unusual for the thermometer on the car to read -15 degrees when I take the girls to the bus stop at 6 am. There's a winter weather alert for our area this morning due to high winds, blowing snow and a wind-chill factor down to -20. We're very grateful to have a home to rent, but our tolerance for the cold is being tested as the boiler has been shutting down due to frozen pipes and other problems I haven't been able to figure out. Most mornings we wake up to the thermostat showing 54 or 55 degrees Fahrenheit, and I'm getting used to rising before 5am to light a fire in the fireplace so at least the living room is a little warm for Daphne and the girls when they get up. I'm not complaining really - we're just learning how 'mountain folk' manage to survive and thrive up here.
I've been compiling a running list of what it's like to live life below zero:
1. When going outside for any reason, always wear every piece of warm clothing you have in your possession. It's tempting to think, "I'll be in my warm car"... and then you see three cars on the side of the road that have spun-out on the ice - and the owner standing outside trying to figure out how to get his/her car back on the road. Kind of embarassing if you're only wearing your pyjamas and a winter coat!
2. Steps to filling up your car at the gas station:
a. Get out of the car, swipe your credit card, try to push the buttons with your gloves on but the machine can't detect through the gloves.
b. Take off your gloves and push the buttons again... and then see on the screen "operation timed-out".
c. Start all over again - by which time you can't feel your nose or fingers anymore.
d. Get the pump running, jump back in the car and wait until you hear the "clunk" that tells you the tank's full.
e. Get out of the car and put the hose back in its place, jump back in the car, then realize that in your hurry to get warm again you forgot to close the gas cap.
f. Get back out, close the gas cap, jump back in the car and drive away.
3. Dixie. For some reason, when it's well below zero and the wind is blowing snow across the porch, Dixie doesn't seem inclined to go outside to "do her business". Can't figure that one out. I actually shoveled a pathway (see shoveling snow below) from the front door, around the deck and out to the yard to simplify her life, but she doesn't appreciate all my hard work. So we have little yellow stains in the snow right outside the front and back doors. She has a little 'jacket' that Nicole bought for her, and she's content to wear it 24/7 - indoors and out of doors. Actually, she's adapted pretty well to life in the mountains.
4. Shoveling snow. After shoveling the driveway a couple of times, I now understand why 'real' men buy a four-wheel all terrain vehicle (like a motorcycle on steroids) with a snow plow on the front. If you don't shovel the snow when it's fresh and light, you'll have to shovel snow AND a layer of ice that's formed beneath the snow. At 8,800 feet in altitude, you can work up a pretty good sweat - even below zero.
5. Conversations. Start every conversation - whether at the bank, with the cashier at the grocery store, with acquaintances you meet - with the sentence: "Boy, it sure is cold outside!" And you end every sentence with, "Stay warm!" Easy for you to say, you've got a boiler that works!
We love living in the mountains!
I've been compiling a running list of what it's like to live life below zero:
1. When going outside for any reason, always wear every piece of warm clothing you have in your possession. It's tempting to think, "I'll be in my warm car"... and then you see three cars on the side of the road that have spun-out on the ice - and the owner standing outside trying to figure out how to get his/her car back on the road. Kind of embarassing if you're only wearing your pyjamas and a winter coat!
2. Steps to filling up your car at the gas station:
a. Get out of the car, swipe your credit card, try to push the buttons with your gloves on but the machine can't detect through the gloves.
b. Take off your gloves and push the buttons again... and then see on the screen "operation timed-out".
c. Start all over again - by which time you can't feel your nose or fingers anymore.
d. Get the pump running, jump back in the car and wait until you hear the "clunk" that tells you the tank's full.
e. Get out of the car and put the hose back in its place, jump back in the car, then realize that in your hurry to get warm again you forgot to close the gas cap.
f. Get back out, close the gas cap, jump back in the car and drive away.
3. Dixie. For some reason, when it's well below zero and the wind is blowing snow across the porch, Dixie doesn't seem inclined to go outside to "do her business". Can't figure that one out. I actually shoveled a pathway (see shoveling snow below) from the front door, around the deck and out to the yard to simplify her life, but she doesn't appreciate all my hard work. So we have little yellow stains in the snow right outside the front and back doors. She has a little 'jacket' that Nicole bought for her, and she's content to wear it 24/7 - indoors and out of doors. Actually, she's adapted pretty well to life in the mountains.
4. Shoveling snow. After shoveling the driveway a couple of times, I now understand why 'real' men buy a four-wheel all terrain vehicle (like a motorcycle on steroids) with a snow plow on the front. If you don't shovel the snow when it's fresh and light, you'll have to shovel snow AND a layer of ice that's formed beneath the snow. At 8,800 feet in altitude, you can work up a pretty good sweat - even below zero.
5. Conversations. Start every conversation - whether at the bank, with the cashier at the grocery store, with acquaintances you meet - with the sentence: "Boy, it sure is cold outside!" And you end every sentence with, "Stay warm!" Easy for you to say, you've got a boiler that works!
We love living in the mountains!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
We've Been Adopted
Jacqueline's made a new friend at school. Her name is Sabrine, and she has a French mother and American father. When she found out that Jacqueline speaks French she was so excited, and asked her for our phone number. To our surprise, her mother Kathy (Katrine) called Daphne last Thursday and they spoke for over 30 minutes in French. Kathy invited us over for dinner Friday evening, and she invited another friend named Rachel with her two daughters. We had a wonderful evening, and the girls immediately hit it off with Kathy's & Rachel's daughters and Kathy's son Vincent. Kathy's husband Tim shares my love of hunting and fly fishing, so we had plenty to talk about together. Kathy is an amazing blend of French and American at the same time - and we hit it off immediately. They have two horses of their own, and when Kathy heard that our girls love horses she suggested that we meet up again at the annual Conifer Christmas Parade yesterday, then come back over to their house to "meet" her horses Dakota and Calypso.
We went to the parade and absolutely loved it. Many of the local businesses, cub scouts, clubs etc had their own floats, and it was a great "community" experience. In Conifer, Santa and Mrs Claus ride on a red firetruck! It was great fun, and we met up with Kathy, Sabrine and Rachel at the parade. It was a glorious, sunny day - all the more amazing since another winter storm has set in today.
I have to show you a few pictures from the parade, just so you get a flavor of the Conifer culture. There were lots of horses, dogs, vintage vehicles, a tractor, and plenty of candy handed out along the way. The parade route was about a mile long, and it seemed like the whole town was out to watch the festivities. After the parade was over we drove back to Kathy's house and met her two horses. She and Tim had never owned horses, and she learned everything she knows (and she knows a lot) from reading books and through an Australian horse trainer who lives here in Denver. Kathy wanted to give us some of the Elk meat from Tim's last kill, so we went back to her house - and ended up staying for lunch and didn't head for home until about 5pm. Kathy shared with us that she's had two battles with breast cancer over the past several years, and I was amazed at her openness and vulnerability. At one point Tim said, "I've got to tell you, this is the first time we've entertained in probably over a year due to Kathy's chemo and recovery." The most amazing part is that Kathy pursued us - we had nothing to do with it. Tim asked me how we ended up in Colorado - which led to a lengthy explanation as you can well imagine. We told them about the dual miracles of our house and car being sold only days before our departure, and how we somehow 'knew' that God was going to come through.
We don't know if Tim and Kathy are Christians; but after we finished our story Kathy said, "I am really moved by what you've said, because not long after Sabrine met Jacqueline she came to me and said, 'Mommy, I think God has answered my prayers for a friend,'" Daphne and I looked at one another, and I'm sure we had the exact same thought - God is so good. We were both immediately reminded of how God brought us a friendship with our dear friends Jacques and Marie in France - and in much the same way they pursued us and adopted us, and have become life-long friends.
There is a house for sale across the street from their home, and we asked our realtor (Bob) if he could show it to us yesterday evening. At 5pm Daphne and I met Bob at the house, and I told him that we have some friends who live in the house across the way. Bob's reply was, "Boy, you guys are sure making friends left and right!" You know, he's right, and it's all a gift from the Lord.
We don't know if Tim and Kathy are Christians; but after we finished our story Kathy said, "I am really moved by what you've said, because not long after Sabrine met Jacqueline she came to me and said, 'Mommy, I think God has answered my prayers for a friend,'" Daphne and I looked at one another, and I'm sure we had the exact same thought - God is so good. We were both immediately reminded of how God brought us a friendship with our dear friends Jacques and Marie in France - and in much the same way they pursued us and adopted us, and have become life-long friends.
There is a house for sale across the street from their home, and we asked our realtor (Bob) if he could show it to us yesterday evening. At 5pm Daphne and I met Bob at the house, and I told him that we have some friends who live in the house across the way. Bob's reply was, "Boy, you guys are sure making friends left and right!" You know, he's right, and it's all a gift from the Lord.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Last night I decided to go to a men's group from the church we've been attending. It was bitter cold last night - somewhere around -8 degrees Fahrenheit, and only five of us showed up. When I arrived, one of the guys - Ted - was sharing how he'd injured himself last year while working at a bison ranch near here in Evergreen. That led to some hunting and fishing stories, and one guy talked about hunting elk near his home last month, and he came upon two mountain lions on a fresh deer kill. He tried to show us how he beat a hasty retreat walking backwards - he looked like a bad imitation of Michael Jackson doing the Moon Walk. After awhile Dave, the group leader, asked an open question: the motto of the group is a Latin phrase meaning "To Be, and not simply to Exist" - so what did we think it means? Tom was the first one to speak up. Now, I have to describe Tom before I say what he wanted to share. He is about fifty, shaved head, a goatee beard and two earrings... and he absolutely exudes the joy of the Lord. He and his wife have seven children (she's Greek, so that makes sense). For many years he was in a heavy metal band in L.A. - wearing spandex pants and both using and dealing crack cocaine. After the Lord saved him in a dramatic way about 20 years ago, he decided that playing the guitar in a rock band was stupid, and he stopped playing altogether. Until very recently, his two youngest kids didn't even know that he played the guitar. When they found this church a few months ago, he had another supernatural experience with the Lord. One Sunday he felt the Lord say to him in a very clear way, "I want you to play in this worship band." After a fast of over 17 years he picked the guitar back up, and much to his surprise he was playing just like before after only a couple of days. He's now realized that playing the guitar is a gift from the Lord, and he is SO excited and full of joy!
Before Tom even finished sharing, Ted (Buffalo cowboy) butted in and said, "You have no idea how your playing influenced my wife and I!" He went on to explain that he and his wife had moved to Colorado from Missouri two years ago to serve with a Christian ministry here. They sold their home and all their belongings and came here - only to discover within a short time that the whole "ministry" was a sham. When he confronted the Pastor of the church about issues of obvious sin and cover-up, they were kicked out of the meeting and out of their church-provided home. They lost all that they had, and were now homeless. Another couple who'd also left the church took them in for several weeks until Ted could find some kind of work - Ted calls them their "Angels of Mercy". He found the Buffalo Cowboy job and everything seemed to be going well, until he had his accident and was no longer able to work. For the past year he and his wife have been struggling to find work and make ends meet, wondering why in the world the Lord had allowed all this to happen. A couple of weeks ago they saw a sign for the church and decided to visit. For some reason the worship music touched both of them deeply, and Ted went up to Tom after the service to thank him for being used of the Lord to encourage his heart. Of course, there was no way that either man could know (until last night) the whole story of how the Holy Spirit had touched both of their lives.
I decided to jump in and share that we had just resigned from 20 years with the same organization, and that we are in the midst of the most significant transition of our lives. I briefly explained the story of my own experience with burn-out and how the Lord met with us this past summer through the counseling, and through long periods of reflection and prayer together. For some reason, as I opened my heart to these men whom I'd never met, I felt enormous emotion welling up inside me and I nearly burst into tears. Of course, true to form as a man I was able to choke back the dam that seemed about to break inside me. What struck me though was the obvious feeling of safety that every man around the table felt, and that allowed us to be 'real' with each other. I know the Lord is still gently pushing and prodding me to take the risk of allowing the depth of my emotion to show, rather than feeling the need to stuff it down inside.
The last man to share is named Scott, and his story blew everything else out of the water. As Scott started to speak, Dave said to the rest of us, "Hold on!" He was the only one in the group who knew what was coming. Scott is the only in the group who is a true Colorado "Native" - having lived here his entire life. For many years Scott served as the President of the Search and Rescue team for Park County (where he lives) and the neighboring Jefferson County, before moving into the field of computer technology. He and his wife had four children - two girls and two boys, and both boys (I assume twins) were born with the terminal illness of Cystic Fibrosis. At age 14 his son Shaun declared that he was not going to die of this disease, and that he was going to join the military at age 18. Scott tried to give his son a dose of reality, knowing that Shaun would never be accepted because of his chronic illness. Well, Shaun proved everyone wrong and became the first Cystic Fibrosis sufferer to ever be accepted in the U.S. military. He chose the arduous option of becoming a paratrooper, and successfully completed both his basic training and paratrooper school. In 2004 Shaun was home on leave and took his little sister out for a ride on his motorcycle. While traveling at high speed he hit a patch of loose gravel, and slid into the line of oncoming traffic. Both he and his little sister were killed instantly. The four of us, all husbands and fathers, sat there stunned as Scott shared this most life-shattering experience we could ever imagine. He said that the funeral procession of cars was over a mile long, and some 800 people came to show their support for Scott and his family. I wish I could say that his heart-wrenching story ended there - but it didn't. Scott said that the church they were attending at the time was a wonderful help right up to the memorial service... and then everyone simply disappeared. He and his wife felt like they had leprosy, because no one would speak to them or reach out to them in their pain and sorrow. Their experience of being "shunned" in the midst of their most desperate moment is sadly all too common, as most of us are wrapped up in our own issues and we lean away from others' pain, rather than leaning into it with comfort and shared sorrow.
Shaun's brother never really recovered from the shock and sorrow of losing his only brother. He went into a period of deep rebellion, and then - unbelievably - took his own life in 2006. I couldn't believe my ears. I felt like I was sitting in the presence of Job as he recounted the loss of all those he held dear in life. Scott said that three years down the road he and his wife are just barely beginning to climb out of their intense sorrow and sense of loss. As we ended our memorable evening together, Scott (through tears) made this statement: "As I have listened to what you've all shared, I believe that God is doing something very significant in this community, and this evening is no accident."
I'm sure he's right, and God just gave me another glimpse of why He has brought us here.
Before Tom even finished sharing, Ted (Buffalo cowboy) butted in and said, "You have no idea how your playing influenced my wife and I!" He went on to explain that he and his wife had moved to Colorado from Missouri two years ago to serve with a Christian ministry here. They sold their home and all their belongings and came here - only to discover within a short time that the whole "ministry" was a sham. When he confronted the Pastor of the church about issues of obvious sin and cover-up, they were kicked out of the meeting and out of their church-provided home. They lost all that they had, and were now homeless. Another couple who'd also left the church took them in for several weeks until Ted could find some kind of work - Ted calls them their "Angels of Mercy". He found the Buffalo Cowboy job and everything seemed to be going well, until he had his accident and was no longer able to work. For the past year he and his wife have been struggling to find work and make ends meet, wondering why in the world the Lord had allowed all this to happen. A couple of weeks ago they saw a sign for the church and decided to visit. For some reason the worship music touched both of them deeply, and Ted went up to Tom after the service to thank him for being used of the Lord to encourage his heart. Of course, there was no way that either man could know (until last night) the whole story of how the Holy Spirit had touched both of their lives.I decided to jump in and share that we had just resigned from 20 years with the same organization, and that we are in the midst of the most significant transition of our lives. I briefly explained the story of my own experience with burn-out and how the Lord met with us this past summer through the counseling, and through long periods of reflection and prayer together. For some reason, as I opened my heart to these men whom I'd never met, I felt enormous emotion welling up inside me and I nearly burst into tears. Of course, true to form as a man I was able to choke back the dam that seemed about to break inside me. What struck me though was the obvious feeling of safety that every man around the table felt, and that allowed us to be 'real' with each other. I know the Lord is still gently pushing and prodding me to take the risk of allowing the depth of my emotion to show, rather than feeling the need to stuff it down inside.
The last man to share is named Scott, and his story blew everything else out of the water. As Scott started to speak, Dave said to the rest of us, "Hold on!" He was the only one in the group who knew what was coming. Scott is the only in the group who is a true Colorado "Native" - having lived here his entire life. For many years Scott served as the President of the Search and Rescue team for Park County (where he lives) and the neighboring Jefferson County, before moving into the field of computer technology. He and his wife had four children - two girls and two boys, and both boys (I assume twins) were born with the terminal illness of Cystic Fibrosis. At age 14 his son Shaun declared that he was not going to die of this disease, and that he was going to join the military at age 18. Scott tried to give his son a dose of reality, knowing that Shaun would never be accepted because of his chronic illness. Well, Shaun proved everyone wrong and became the first Cystic Fibrosis sufferer to ever be accepted in the U.S. military. He chose the arduous option of becoming a paratrooper, and successfully completed both his basic training and paratrooper school. In 2004 Shaun was home on leave and took his little sister out for a ride on his motorcycle. While traveling at high speed he hit a patch of loose gravel, and slid into the line of oncoming traffic. Both he and his little sister were killed instantly. The four of us, all husbands and fathers, sat there stunned as Scott shared this most life-shattering experience we could ever imagine. He said that the funeral procession of cars was over a mile long, and some 800 people came to show their support for Scott and his family. I wish I could say that his heart-wrenching story ended there - but it didn't. Scott said that the church they were attending at the time was a wonderful help right up to the memorial service... and then everyone simply disappeared. He and his wife felt like they had leprosy, because no one would speak to them or reach out to them in their pain and sorrow. Their experience of being "shunned" in the midst of their most desperate moment is sadly all too common, as most of us are wrapped up in our own issues and we lean away from others' pain, rather than leaning into it with comfort and shared sorrow.
Shaun's brother never really recovered from the shock and sorrow of losing his only brother. He went into a period of deep rebellion, and then - unbelievably - took his own life in 2006. I couldn't believe my ears. I felt like I was sitting in the presence of Job as he recounted the loss of all those he held dear in life. Scott said that three years down the road he and his wife are just barely beginning to climb out of their intense sorrow and sense of loss. As we ended our memorable evening together, Scott (through tears) made this statement: "As I have listened to what you've all shared, I believe that God is doing something very significant in this community, and this evening is no accident."
I'm sure he's right, and God just gave me another glimpse of why He has brought us here.
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