The Juniper Tree Journey

Last night I decided to go to a men's group from the church we've been attending.  It was bitter cold last night - somewhere around -8 degrees Fahrenheit, and only five of us showed up.  When I arrived, one of the guys - Ted - was sharing how he'd injured himself last year while working at a bison ranch near here in Evergreen.  That led to some hunting and fishing stories, and one guy talked about hunting elk  near his home last month, and he came upon two mountain lions on a fresh deer kill.  He tried to show us how he beat a hasty retreat walking backwards - he looked like a bad imitation of Michael Jackson doing the Moon Walk.  After awhile Dave, the group leader, asked an open question: the motto of the group is a Latin phrase meaning "To Be, and not simply to Exist" - so what did we think it means?  Tom was the first one to speak up.  Now, I have to describe Tom before I say what he wanted to share.  He is about fifty, shaved head, a goatee beard and two earrings... and he absolutely exudes the joy of the Lord.  He and his wife have seven children (she's Greek, so that makes sense).  For many years he was in a heavy metal band in L.A. - wearing spandex pants and both using and dealing crack cocaine.  After the Lord saved him in a dramatic way about 20 years ago, he decided that playing the guitar in a rock band was stupid, and he stopped playing altogether.  Until very recently, his two youngest kids didn't even know that he played the guitar.  When they found this church a few months ago, he had another supernatural experience with the Lord.  One Sunday he felt the Lord say to him in a very clear way, "I want you to play in this worship band."  After a fast of over 17 years he picked the guitar back up, and much to his surprise he was playing just like before after only a couple of days.  He's now realized that playing the guitar is a gift from the Lord, and he is SO excited and full of joy!

     Before Tom even finished sharing, Ted (Buffalo cowboy) butted in and said, "You have no idea how your playing influenced my wife and I!"  He went on to explain that he and his wife had moved to Colorado from Missouri two years ago to serve with a Christian ministry here.  They sold their home and all their belongings and came here - only to discover within a short time that the whole "ministry" was a sham.  When he confronted the Pastor of the church about issues of obvious sin and cover-up, they were kicked out of the meeting and out of their church-provided home.  They lost all that they had, and were now homeless.  Another couple who'd also left the church took them in for several weeks until Ted could find some kind of work - Ted calls them their "Angels of Mercy".  He found the Buffalo Cowboy job and everything seemed to be going well, until he had his accident and was no longer able to work.  For the past year he and his wife have been struggling to find work and make ends meet, wondering why in the world the Lord had allowed all this to happen.  A couple of weeks ago they saw a sign for the church and decided to visit.  For some reason the worship music touched both of them deeply, and Ted went up to Tom after the service to thank him for being used of the Lord to encourage his heart.  Of course, there was no way that either man could know (until last night) the whole story of how the Holy Spirit had touched both of their lives.

     I decided to jump in and share that we had just resigned from 20 years with the same organization, and that we are in the midst of the most significant transition of our lives.  I briefly explained the story of my own experience with burn-out and how the Lord met with us this past summer through the counseling, and through long periods of reflection and prayer together.  For some reason, as I opened my heart to these men whom I'd never met, I felt enormous emotion welling up inside me and I nearly burst into tears.  Of course, true to form as a man I was able to choke back the dam that seemed about to break inside me.  What struck me though was the obvious feeling of safety that every man around the table felt, and that allowed us to be 'real' with each other.  I know the Lord is still gently pushing and prodding me to take the risk of allowing the depth of my emotion to show, rather than feeling the need to stuff it down inside. 

     The last man to share is named Scott, and his story blew everything else out of the water.  As Scott started to speak, Dave said to the rest of us, "Hold on!"   He was the only one in the group who knew what was coming.   Scott is the only in the group who is a true Colorado "Native" - having lived here his entire life. For many years Scott served as the President of the Search and Rescue team for Park County (where he lives) and the neighboring Jefferson County, before moving into the field of computer technology.  He and his wife had four children - two girls and two boys, and both boys (I assume twins) were born with the terminal illness of Cystic Fibrosis.  At age 14 his son Shaun declared that he was not going to die of this disease, and that he was going to join the military at age 18.  Scott tried to give his son a dose of reality, knowing that Shaun would never be accepted because of his chronic illness.  Well, Shaun proved everyone wrong and became the first Cystic Fibrosis sufferer to ever be accepted in the U.S. military.  He chose the arduous option of becoming a paratrooper, and successfully completed both his basic training and paratrooper school.  In 2004 Shaun was home on leave and took his little sister out for a ride on his motorcycle.  While traveling at high speed he hit a patch of loose gravel, and slid into the line of oncoming traffic.  Both he and his little sister were killed instantly.  The four of us, all husbands and fathers, sat there stunned as Scott shared this most life-shattering experience we could ever imagine.  He said that the funeral procession of cars was over a mile long, and some 800 people came to show their support for Scott and his family.  I wish I could say that his heart-wrenching story ended there - but it didn't.  Scott said that the church they were attending at the time was a wonderful help right up to the memorial service... and then everyone simply disappeared.  He and his wife felt like they had leprosy, because no one would speak to them or reach out to them in their pain and sorrow.  Their experience of being "shunned" in the midst of their most desperate moment is sadly all too common, as most of us are wrapped up in our own issues and we lean away from others' pain, rather than leaning into it with comfort and shared sorrow. 

    Shaun's brother never really recovered from the shock and sorrow of losing his only brother.  He went into a period of deep rebellion, and then - unbelievably - took his own life in 2006.  I couldn't believe my ears.  I felt like I was sitting in the presence of Job as he recounted the loss of all those he held dear in life.  Scott said that three years down the road he and his wife are just barely beginning to climb out of their intense sorrow and sense of loss.  As we ended our memorable evening together, Scott (through tears) made this statement: "As I have listened to what you've all shared, I believe that God is doing something very significant in this community, and this evening is no accident." 

     I'm sure he's right, and God just gave me another glimpse of why He has brought us here.