It is midnight, and here we are yet once again. Not even sure where to start this time in describing where we find ourselves. As soon as I write this the only thing I can think of is to get on my knees and pour out my confused soul to the Lord.
About a week ago our application for independent health insurance was rejected, because I was honest in answering the questions and I said that I'd been on medication for anxiety and had been diagnosed with mild to moderate sleep apnea. Our family is in the peak of health - but because of my burn-out last summer we apparently cannot benefit from a reasonably priced health plan, which probably leaves me no choice right now but to pay the high price for continuation of our previous group coverage. I just wish I knew how much our income will be a year - or even six months from now.
Five days ago our home in France finally closed.... and the euro promptly took it's deepest dive in six months against the dollar. The end result (as of today) is a net loss of $15,000 of income we would have received to help us in the purchase and renovation of our new home. Of course, that's all theoretical because our funds were wired from France three days ago and for some strange reason they haven't shown up in our account here... and the Euro continues to plummet as each hour passes.
I have been unable to get more than 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night for the past week - and hardly more than that for the past six months. In reality, I don't think I've slept through the night for almost two years, and I can hardly remember what it feels like to be fully awake and rested.
My partnership with Crisis Consulting International is tenuous at present as my board and I try to figure out a mutually agreeable and beneficial working relationship with Bob Klamser and his board of Directors. Once again we find ourselves trying to set a date for a face-to-face meeting, but can't seem to find a time that will work for everyone involved. So we wait.
And yesterday I was informed by our mortgage broker that our loan application has been rejected because of my change in status from employee of Campus Crusade to self-employed contractor with Mountain Movers. I called another broker, and was told that virtually no bank will give us a loan until I have two years of experience as self-employed. Today is February 5th, and if we don't have a loan agreement signed by the 15th we lose the contract on the house. But the only way to get a loan is to be employed... so where do we go now?
The clock is ticking, our money is flowing freely down the drain, and there's literally nothing we can do but sit and watch.
Lord, I know you haven't called us to a simple life. You know that we've walked by faith in making some very difficult and risky decisions over the past six months, and now those same decisions are seemingly coming back to haunt us. My heart wants to trust you and hang on yet once again, but my soul is struggling to keep up. We've watched you work miracles in selling our house and car in France in less than one week - knowing we had our plane tickets in hand to move to Colorado. Well, we're here now, and once again our lives have been turned upside down. I know that you love us, and that you have a wonderful plan in mind..... I'm just feeling tired and confused tonight, and I don't know where we're supposed to go from here. All we can do as a family is to look back; back at your faithfulness, back at your provision, back at all your promises.
We're stuck Lord, so whatever happens from here is all on you.
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