Truths for Mature Adults

Now that I'm pushing 50, I figure I can own the title "mature"... well, sometimes.

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
3. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
4. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
5. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
6. Bad decisions make good stories (and sermon illustrations)
7. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
8. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again
9. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
10. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
11. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
12. I wish my GPS had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
13. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
14. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
15. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
16. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
17. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
18. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
19. I hate that moment when I doze off in the middle of a group conversation, then just as I wake up I say something bizarre and completely out of context... and everyone just stops and stares.
20. I am convinced that the junk in my garage is actually alive and is secretly reproducing itself.