Life can feel surreal at times. Nine months ago, in August, Daphne and I were driving around Conifer and Evergreen - dreaming of what it could be like to live up here. We didn't know a soul. I remember the two of us sitting on a bench next to Evergreen lake, and we were discussing the idea of moving back to the States. I had not yet resigned from my roles in the NAMESTAN team, so we were simply dreaming together. We both loved the idea of living in the mountains, but would God approve? I was so wrapped up in my own "issues" of what everyone's expectations were of me that I could hardly imagine feeling free to open the door of my heart and discover what dreams and desires were hidden there.
I remember us driving past a Keller-Williams Realty agency, and just for the heck of it walking in to talk to a realtor. We were only just at the beginning stages of allowing ourselves to imagine selling our house and leaving France. The first person we met was Bob Krus, who became our realtor and who eventually sold us this home. Bob has now become a dear friend - in fact Daphne and I are having lunch with he and his wife Diane today. God seems to do that a lot in our lives: the first person we meet, or the first church we visit ends up changing our lives. We made an appointment one Sunday morning (wow, we didn't even go to church that Sunday!) to meet with Bob to look at a house; we hadn't even started the process of putting our house on the market, and here we were looking at houses! We must have been crazy... or God was guiding our hearts. That day - nine months ago - we drove up to the High School just to see what it looked like, and we saw a sign saying, "The Journey Community Church meets here". "Hmmm" I said, "We'll have to check this church out some Sunday." The summer ended, and we went back to France to sell our home and say our goodbyes. 10+ years of life and ministry in the Muslim world had come to an end. I could never have imagined even two months previously that we would be leaving France and the NAMESTAN region - nor how much pain and misunderstanding our departure would create. Today, eight months later, some of those relationships are still broken, and God only knows if healing will ever come. I've lived in four different countries in my lifetime, and traveled to some of the most dangerous places on the planet... but I have never been as scared, nor felt as insecure as when we moved to Conifer, Colorado. I was letting go of everything I knew - my life as a missionary, Campus Crusade, the team in France, my job, our church - to move to a place where we were complete strangers, to start all over again. The only people we knew were my sister Cathi and her family (50 minutes away in Westminster), our realtor Bob, and a guidance counselor at the High School. Even as I write this, I'm wondering how in the world we ever did it. We were either completely mad, or God was leading the way. For some I know the jury is still out, but for Daphne and me, we are convinced it was the latter.
Today, eight months later, we are living in a beautiful home in the mountains, not far from family. We are surrounded by more new, wonderful friends than I can honestly count. Our girls are settled in school with new friends. My new company "Storm Guides" is off and running, and my list of prospective clients is growing daily. And this Sunday, April 18th, I will be named as Executive Pastor of Journey Community Church of Conifer, Colorado.
Someone once said, "Attempt something so great for God, that it's doomed for failure unless God is in it." Almost one year ago the Lord communicated with us in a dramatic, supernatural way that we were approaching the key turning point of our lives. At that time we could not have even imagined any of what has since transpired. A few days ago our Pastor Michael asked me to sit in on a couple of counseling appointments with him, and as I sat there I thought how much I love being a part of his team and this church. As I drove away, I had a "defining moment" with God. I sensed Him saying to me, "Do you remember the dream I gave you 18 months ago?" "Yes, how could I ever forget it?" I replied. The Lord continued, "And do you remember my promise about a whole new life, and a key turning point for your family?" "Yes," I replied again. Then He said, "This is what I was talking about."
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."
We have never met, I found this while researching your former church/pastor. I was wondering after reading this, do you still feel like God was telling you the things you wrote about in this post? I ask because I have struggled figuring out things that I felt God told me. Only to discover years later that I was mistaken. Sorry about your church and what happened, well I don't know all the details but I know it fell apart. I've been there.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous, I really appreciate your question... and you've given me reason to really reflect. I am curious to know why you've been researching our former church? We left the church 18 months ago, and we are still in a process of understanding how and why we were involved as long as we were. As you know, hindsight is always 20/20, and certainly we know far more now than we did when we were on staff. But in reply to your question: At that time, I firmly believed God was speaking to me - and still do. However, I have had to admit to myself and my family that my decision to join the church staff (not long after this posting) was a mistake. I cannot and should not confuse God speaking to me with my won foolishness. I did not wait on the Lord before making the decision, and knew at the time that I was moving ahead of Him. I have regretted this hastiness a hundred times over, as the ensuing 3+ years were filled with confusion, anger, and feeling trapped and unable to leave. When we did finally leave we were financially broke and had to sell our home. However, to be fair there were some good times and I did learn some valuable lessons during our tenure on staff. But here's the key: in spite of my bad decision and the ensuing difficulties that I caused for myself and my family, God was always at work. Today we own a small store in Bailey (which would not be true were it not for our involvement at Journey), we own another home by God's grace, and we have a whole network of precious friends who we would have probably never met were it not for our time at Journey church. I have learned once again that God is ALWAYS faithful, ALWAYS working for our good, and ALWAYS willing to receive us back again and give us yet another chance. This is pure grace, and we have received it in abundance.
DeleteThank you for your transparent answer, I can relate more than you know. It's easy for us to stamp God on something we really want and feel strongly about. I was part of a large church that fell apart over time after the founding pastor retired. It was one of the most painful experiences in my life. I found your former pastor when his letter to Amy went viral. I read his recent book and became curious about 'the rest of the story'. I started Google searching for news articles and information and your blog came up. Too many times in my life I've said "this is God" when in fact it was just me wanting something. Seems like we had a similar experience and I am glad to see that you still find God faithful in the confusion. Best wishes to you and your family.
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