In the middle of a conversation with Daphne late last night, I lamented the fact that there's no owner's manual for raising teenage daughters. It seems like God would have done us and our children a great service if he'd handed us a book upon our first daughter's birth and said, "Here you go - everything you'll ever need to know is right here, with a handy alphabetical index at the back. Just look up any question you have, and Voila! The answer's right there!" I would have immediately searched for the section on "Holding, Feeding and Nighttime awakenings". As the years went by and other daughters were added to our home, you would have found me searching under "Playing with girls", and "Dates with Daughters", and of course the classic question of "Monthly periods" where I'm sure the text would have read "On this topic, we have no particular counsel. Good luck!" I love all three of my daughters with all my heart, and each of their births were the most wonderful, emotional moments of my life. I wouldn't trade the experiences of the past 18+ years for all the money in the world. It's just that having been a boy myself growing up, I think I probably would have have some basic ideas of how to raise boys. With our girls I feel like my parenting has been far more by trial and error than I would like to admit. I have two sisters, but they were 4 and 9 years older than me respectively and I spent my childhood either being mothered by them, or running for my life during baby-sitting episodes that went bad.
If I had the Teenage Girls Owners Manual today, I would be devouring the chapters on "Boys", and "Dating", and "How to protect your daughters from emotional heartache without flabbergasting them in the process." Oh, and there would certainly have to be at least one chapter entitled "Guns, and their practical use in deterring unwanted suitors". I will say one thing about raising teenage daughters though: I find myself on my knees increasingly often as I plead with God for wisdom and insight for a job that I feel unequivocally unqualified to handle. I can wade into the most terrifying crises with confidence and courage, and through my knowledge and experience help to bring a quick resolution. But when it comes to raising teenage daughters I find myself fearful, untrained and unprepared for the task. Our girls are no longer the beautiful little china dolls who used to unquestioningly follow us around because they had absolute trust that we knew the way. Today they are beautiful young women who are full of their own hopes and dreams, and who have their own legitimate ideas about the way life should work. Yes, they still need our guidance and wisdom from time to time, simply because we know them better than anyone else and we've clocked more time on this earth than they have. But our role is quickly changing. More and more we find ourselves wanting to look up the chapters on "Coaching and Mentoring", and "How to let go as they grow up". And more recently for myself I need a chapter called " How to handle your own failures when you just can't seem to get it right".
At 3:30 this morning I can say one thing for certain: I'm way out of my pay-grade. I can only turn once more to the One who does have all the answers.
No comments:
Post a Comment