Dying Well

     I just heard the news that our dear friend Lynn Chynoweth has stepped across the threshold between the last chapter in the book of her life here on earth with her husband John, and into a whole new book called Heaven.  And unlike the book of her life here which had a very specific number of pages that were determined long before she was born, the pages and chapters of this new book will continue to be written forever.  What is Lynn experiencing right now?  Is she talking to Jesus? What is He saying to her?  Is she running to meet the very first person she's always imagined talking to -- maybe Moses, or Paul?  I can't imagine what it must feel like for Lynn to realize that she's really free from pain - and she can talk, and sing, and do all the things her tortured body couldn't do for such a long time.  What is she thinking about John and her boys?  Can she see them right now?  Can she feel their pain and grief?

Heaven is a real place; Jesus is a real person;  and Lynn is really THERE.  Wow - it's hard to imagine.

Lynn has been in incredible, intense pain due to the rapid spread of the cancer throughout her body.  Only a week or so ago the doctors informed she and John that Lynn had 3-6 months to live - and today she's already gone.  It almost seems like Lynn was in a hurry to go - not to leave her family, but just to hit fast forward and skip the nightmare of pain she was facing.

     I knew that Lynn was suffering greatly, and John & their two boys with her.  Because I don't sleep much at night, I often found myself awake in the wee hours of the morning, praying for John and Lynn.  When I heard the news of the last prognosis, I changed the way I was praying for them:  I started to pray that God would fill Lynn's heart with an incredible excitement and anticipation about getting to Heaven, so much so that all fear would be banished from her mind.  I also started to pray that God would fill John, Jim and Mike's hearts with an incredible, unexplainable peace to let her go.  I just read the last two entries that John wrote in their "Caring Bridge" journal, and I trust he won't mind me quoting him here:

Yesterday (Saturday) afternoon:

"Lynn is resting more comfortably.  She's quiet, no longer speaking. The finish line is in sight and she's fading from this life, preparing for the next.  Her heavenly Father is standing at the finish line with open arms, the Holy Spirit is filling her with courage and the heart to complete the race well, Jesus is holding her hand leading her on cheering, "I am with you always."  He's looking over His shoulder and has assured me that "I am with you always too!"  There's a comfort in my soul knowing He alone can heal my wounded heart and be the joy, love and courage I need for this last season of the race.  The world feels like it is shaking and shifting.  Be still my soul, take courage - your heart is anchored in the holy of holies in the presence of the Father, held safe and sure by Jesus.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!"

And early this morning:

"About 9:45 Saturday night, Lynn leapt across the finish line into the arms of her Heavenly Father.  No more pain, no more sorrow  - finally whole, radiant and joyous.  Her family and friends were around her, singing, "Be thou my vision..."  as she completed the race.

We're numb, shattered hearts and yet our soul is anchored by the firm foundation of Jesus, the author and completer of our faith.  I remember Lynn and celebrate a life well lived.

With hearts surrendered to His eternal purposes,

John" 

I wept as I read John's words, because I cannot imagine how I would feel having just lost Daphne.  But it seems like my prayers were answered.

 

I have watched John and Lynn walk this road of suffering with courage, faith and hope.  Yes, I know there were many dark and confusing times - how can there not be when you've gone through chemo and radiation for so long?  But even in the midst of life's most terrible trials, there is a deep, sweet aroma of Jesus that just "hangs" around people like John and Lynn.  

Storm Guide

     It's snowing outside.  It snowed last night, and it will snow for the next few days.  We haven't had a big snow dump yet since we moved here, but we're entering the time of year when the big snowfalls come.  I've got my Honda ATV all ready with the snowblade attached - which is a sure fire method to be sure it WON'T snow.

For the past couple of weeks I've been busy in the steep learning curve of trying to establish a new 501C3 non-profit organization that I've chosen to call "Storm Guide International".  I chose this name because it reflects my passion to help prepare churches and mission agencies for the inevitable crises they will face as they send short term missionaries overseas.  I hope to have a website up and functional in the next week or so. This doesn't mean that I won't be working in partnership with Crisis Consulting International in some fashion, but my desire has always been to launch out on my own.  Actually, that's a misnomer.   I don't want to launch on my own, but rather launch out into the risky realm of trusting the Lord to direct our path.  And He is.  And it's still scary.  I am excited about one thing:  I've signed up for a training course next month in Hostage Negotiation.  The realm of hostage negotiation has intrigued me for a long time, and I thought there's no better way to determine if I'm cut out to be a negotiator than to jump in with both feet.  It should be interesting!

     Good news on the house:  we've been approved for a loan by a local bank, and we will close the deal and take possession on March 10th.  The same house we thought we'd given up as lost only 10 days ago, the Lord has given back to us.  Whoever thinks the Lord doesn't have a sense of humor hasn't spent much time trying to follow Him.  He does this kind of thing to us all the time!  He just wanted to see if we were willing to let it go, so He could give it back to us in the end.  We can't wait to move in - and our first guest will be my nephew William who is coming to help me work on some of the renovations we want to do.  Our second guest will be our dear friend Eliane Bordreuil, who worked with me as office manager for the past 10 years - and she arrives on March 24th.  I hope we'll have the guestroom ready by then!  Daphne and I both want to build an entryway over our driveway using log poles, and hang a sign from them that will say: "The Juniper Tree: Come ye aside and rest awhile."  Our prayer is that this home will be a place of rest, warmth and safety for all who enter - and that each one will leave more encouraged than when they arrived.

     Daphne is applying for part-time jobs to help supplement our income.  We've asked our financial supporters to give us two years to become financially self-supporting, and many have responded.  We have lost quite a bit of support however, and Daphne working part-time will really help.  She's gone through a real range of emotions this past week:  from thinking that she has nothing to offer in the business world after 30 years in ministry - to being elated when she got two requests for interviews in the last two days!  We don't know if either position will work out, but it's exciting nonetheless for her to know that she has qualities and skills that are desirable to potential employers.

    We are really enjoying the church the Lord has led us to here.  It's a new church - about a 2 years old - and the staff are all young, but we love being a part of a movement of the Holy Spirit that is growing and reaching people.  I love Michael's (the Pastor) heart - he's a courageous leader who is willing to take bold, risky steps of faith (a man after my heart!).  He's also willing to stand up against sinful attitudes and behavior in the body, which is a quality I've rarely encountered in our years in the church.  The church just acquired a building to use for everything but Sunday worship - and again, it was a big, risky step to take.  We got the building for an incredible monthly rate - far below it's market value; but there is still the risk that we won't be able to cover the rent long-term.  I'm with Michael though:  nothing ventured, nothing gained... and a whole lot lost in the meantime.  When it seems as though the Spirit of the Lord is leading, then jump on board and hold on for the ride! 

I can't wait to see what God has up His sleeve next!!

    

The Money Fish

     The last couple of days have been eye-opening for us (what's new?).  Two days ago Daphne and I took a long, slippery walk in the snow to talk and pray through the situation with the house we want to buy.  The bank had already rejected our loan application due to my new, self-employed status (they want to see two years of history with a steady income before granting a loan).  I could have pushed the issue by asking for an extension in the closing date and try to find another lender.  However, after we took time to talk and pray we both came to the same conclusion:  we should let the house go, and trust God for a house in His time and His way.  After all, if I manage to finagle my own solution, we would always wonder whether we'd been following the Lord's leading, or our own.  As soon as we got home I called our realtor and the mortgage broker to inform them of our decision to terminate the contract.  I admit that for several days over the weekend I was troubled and frustrated, and I wanted to find SOME way to make this deal go through.  However, once we made the decision to let it go, I was amazed by the peaceful reassurance we both felt that God is truly in control. Maybe one day I'll be able to find the same peace on the FRONT end of a personal crisis.


     Yesterday morning I got a call from our realtor, and he said, "You should expect a couple of phone calls today."  Not being satisfied to simply end the deal, he'd taken it upon himself to talk to the Director of his real-estate agency about our problem, and Kevin (the Director) called a personal friend, who is personal friends with the President of a local bank... and to make a long story short we just got home from signing another loan application!  So our hopes for this house are still alive.  Here's the ironic part: I just got a phone call from the President of Mountain Movers. The whole problem with the first bank was the way our income is reported; as a result, Mountain Movers checked with their accountant, who just told them that they can provide the documentation we needed in the first place.  It's as though the Lord is saying: I just wanted you to know that I could have caused the first loan to work out - I just wanted to see if you would trust me or not.

     I was thinking about all these issues this morning, and the fact that my employment status is still very tenuous, when I read the story at the end of Matthew 17 about Peter, Jesus and the "money fish".  What a great story!  Peter is confronted by the tax man, who basically accuses Jesus of being a tax-evader.  Peter (not knowing what else to say) replies that of course Jesus pays all his taxes.  I imagine Peter was still mulling this over in his mind as he entered the house, when Jesus asks him a question seemingly out of the blue: "Peter, do earthly kings ask their own children to pay taxes, or strangers?"  Maybe Peter understood by now that Jesus seemed to have this uncanny ability to know what he was thinking.  I would have wanted to say, "Wow, that's scary!  I'd better be careful what I think about!".  But Peter just answers the question.  Even though the Sons of the Kingdom are free from obligation, to avoid offending the tax collector Jesus sends Peter out to catch a "money fish" and pay the required tax.  One fish. The first fish that would bite his hook.  And the fish would just "happen" to have the exact amount of tax required for two people - Jesus and Peter.  Think about all the things that Jesus had to coordinate for this to work:  the fish had to swallow the coin, then swim to the precise spot at the precise time that Peter would throw in his hook, and then be the first one to take the bait.  I can imagine Peter thinking, "Say what?  Do what?"  But he went anyway, and apparently everything happened just as Jesus said it would.  This funny little anecdote feels like it is just stuck in as an afterthought, but it was just what I needed to hear this morning.  If Jesus can take care of Peter's tax problems with a money-fish, then why should I worry about how we'll get a loan, or pay for health insurance, or anything else?  After all, it's only money right?  That's easy for God.  What's more difficult for God is to trust that in my own free will I'll choose to believe His promises. 

What a wild ride.

Whatever

Daphne and I are sitting here this morning, watching the snow fall and listening to the fire crackling.  We found out yesterday that tomorrow is the day - we'll either find a solution for a bank loan, or we'll have to let this particular home go.  We thought we had until the 15th, but several competing factors have brought that deadline forward to tomorrow.  Daphne's been reminding me of some of our "Holy Deadlines" from our life together:

When we were married in South Africa 1991, Daphne was a South African citizen and was therefore required to have a visa for the U.S.  After our wedding in Johannesburg, and before setting off for a week's honeymoon, we gave strict instructions to the church secretary:  Do NOT under any circumstances put our application for a full marriage certificate (required by U.S. Immigration) in the mail, but take it by hand to the nearest Home Affairs office.  South Africa's postal service was notorious for losing mail, and we didn't have time to spare if the certificate was lost.  We left in our lovers' bliss, with the reassurance that all would be taken care of.  We returned a week later, only to discover that the form HAD been mailed, and was nowhere to be found.  Our plane tickets were purchased, but we needed the U.S. visa to leave - and for the visa we needed the full marriage certificate, and God only knew where it was in the postal system.  We frantically called every post office in the area to figure out where the form was, but to no avail.  We finally reached a point where we had done all we could do, and there was nothing left but to cast ourselves upon the Lord.... and wait.  I actually did such a good job of putting the whole affair in the Lord's hands that I pulled out a book and settled down for a good read.  Daphne asked me, "What are you doing?  Shouldn't we be making some more calls?"  I said there wasn't anything left to do.  Several hours later we got in the car and drove to the local Home Affairs office - thinking, "what the heck, we've got nothing to lose."  We walked in, spoke to the first person behind the counter and explained our predicament.  He literally turned, looked on the counter behind him and said, "Oh, here it is.  It just came in."

Several weeks later we were in the U.S., and our new challenge was to acquire a U.S. passport for Daphne, without which it would have been impossible for her to gain entry into Senegal where our team and ministry awaited our return.  We filled out all the immigration forms, turned them in, and left for cross-cultural training.  Three months later we went in to see what progress had been made on our file, only to hear the words, "We have no file in your name.  You'll have to start all over again."  Now we were in a pickle, because we had only weeks left before we wanted and needed to fly to Senegal - and U.S. Immigration does NOT move at a fast pace.  Someone suggested that we ask for help from a U.S. Congressman for Georgia, so we went to his office and pled our case with one of the administrators who worked for him.  To make a very long story short, in a matter of weeks we found ourselves standing in the office of the Deputy Director of Immigration as Daphne was sworn in as a U.S. citizen.  Then there was the issue of her passport.  We (once again) had our plane tickets purchased, and only a couple of weeks left.  Passports normally take at least two months to prepare, but the woman in the Congressman's office gave us the name of a personal friend who worked in the passport office in Miami and told us to FedEx the forms down there, with a paid FedEx envelope for the return.  We sent it off, and waited, and waited, and waited.  We were two days away from our departure date when we came home from running some errands and found the FedEx envelope sitting inside the screen door, with Daphne's passport inside.

Of course, the most recent example of God's divine intervention was the sale of our home and our car in France only days before our scheduled departure for America, and our new life here.  So we should be used to this by now, right?  We shouldn't find it any trouble at all to put our lives and plans into the Lord's hands - with the peaceful reassurance that He is fully in control, right?  I wish.  Yet once more we're faced with a major obstacle before us.  We have done all our due diligence in pursuing the purchase of this home.  We went forward in faith that the loan would be no problem - after all, we intend to plunk down over half the purchase price of the home in cash from the sale of our house in France.  I've spent two virtually sleepless nights, trying to understand why this is happening.  At this point there is absolutely nothing more we can do but wait, and trust the Lord, and see what happens.  Daph and I have decided to call this point the "Whatever Stage";  we have to get to the point where we can say, "Ok Lord, whatever.  If we get this home, great.  If we don't, fine.  Whatever." 

I had a long conversation with my brother John yesterday.  He brought this thought to my attention:  Jesus compares us to a flower in Matthew 6, when He describes what our attitude should be when it comes to trusting God to provide for our food, clothing and shelter.  So, what does a flower DO to provide for itself?  Well, it doesn't DO anything - except for one thing.  Throughout the day that flower turns it's head to stay in the light of the sun.  Other than that, it just sits there.  So here is our prayer for today; we want to - once more - rest and be at peace in our hearts, and turn our faces towards the Son of God, who loves us with such a deep love, and relax.

Who knows what will happen tomorrow?  In the end, it doesn't really matter.

Lord, we're trying hard to trust you - where are we going?

     It is midnight, and here we are yet once again.  Not even sure where to start this time in describing where we find ourselves.  As soon as I write this the only thing I can think of is to get on my knees and pour out my confused soul to the Lord.

     About a week ago our application for independent health insurance was rejected, because I was honest in answering the questions and I said that I'd been on medication for anxiety and had been diagnosed with mild to moderate sleep apnea.  Our family is in the peak of health - but because of my burn-out last summer we apparently cannot benefit from a reasonably priced health plan, which probably leaves me no choice right now but to pay the high price for continuation of our previous group coverage.  I just wish I knew how much our income will be a year - or even six months from now.

     Five days ago our home in France finally closed.... and the euro promptly took it's deepest dive in six months against the dollar.  The end result (as of today) is a net loss of $15,000 of income we would have received to help us in the purchase and renovation of our new home.  Of course, that's all theoretical because our funds were wired from France three days ago and for some strange reason they haven't shown up in our account here... and the Euro continues to plummet as each hour passes.

     I have been unable to get more than 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night for the past week - and hardly more than that for the past six months.  In reality, I don't think I've slept through the night for almost two years, and I can hardly remember what it feels like to be fully awake and rested.

     My partnership with Crisis Consulting International is tenuous at present as my board and I try to figure out a mutually agreeable and beneficial working relationship with Bob Klamser and his board of Directors.  Once again we find ourselves trying to set a date for a face-to-face meeting, but can't seem to find a time that will work for everyone involved.   So we wait.

    And yesterday I was informed by our mortgage broker that our loan application has been rejected because of my change in status from employee of Campus Crusade to self-employed contractor with Mountain Movers.  I called another broker, and was told that virtually no bank will give us a loan until I have two years of experience as self-employed.  Today is February 5th, and if we don't have a loan agreement signed by the 15th we lose the contract on the house.  But the only way to get a loan is to be employed... so where do we go now?

     The clock is ticking, our money is flowing freely down the drain, and there's literally nothing we can do but sit and watch.

     Lord, I know you haven't called us to a simple life.  You know that we've walked by faith in making some very difficult and risky decisions over the past six months, and now those same decisions are seemingly coming back to haunt us.  My heart wants to trust you and hang on yet once again, but my soul is struggling to keep up.  We've watched you work miracles in selling our house and car in France in less than one week - knowing we had our plane tickets in hand to move to Colorado.  Well, we're here now, and once again our lives have been turned upside down.  I know that you love us, and that you have a wonderful plan in mind..... I'm just feeling tired and confused tonight, and I don't know where we're supposed to go from here.  All we can do as a family is to look back; back at your faithfulness, back at your provision, back at all your promises. 

     We're stuck Lord, so whatever happens from here is all on you.

   

    

Cowboy hats and Mountain homes

Our Mountain Home    
     I didn't realize how long it has been since I made an entry in my blog!  Time simply flies by too quickly.  Our good news is that we signed the contract to purchase a home last Friday - we're so excited! God is so good to us - we will have 6.5 acres of land, incredible views, and the living space we've asked the Lord for.  We've always loved for our home to be a place of warmth and blessing, and He has been pleased to fill our guestroom with many wonderful friends and family members over the years.  So our hope and prayer has been that He would provide a home with room to spare - and He has answered our prayer.  After we convert the laundry room into a bedroom, we'll have the five bedrooms we've wanted.   The house was built in 1978, and it needs some work... but we just had it inspected and the structure is solid.  We'll need to change some windows, carpeting etc, BUT, to have this much land and to be in the mountains is the Lord's answer to the desire of our hearts.  Back in July when my counselor told me to let my heart be free to dream - I could not have even imagined where God has brought us to today.  We are hoping to close on the sale by the 26th of February, and move in shortly after we've done some of the work on the house.  Oh, and another piece of good news - our home in France is (as of today) officially sold!  It's too bad that the Euro is taking a beating right now, as we were counting on using the extra funds for the renovations on our new home.  I've been watching the exchange rates like a hawk... but for some reason my worrying hasn't changed the rate by even one point.  What's up with that?  I guess the Lord has some other solution than our making a killing in the currency conversion.

Cowboy Jim

     There's one thing I absolutely love about living here:  I can wear my cowboy hat and cowboy boots - and no one even blinks an eye.  In fact, last Sunday at church I was one of four or five guys wearing hats and boots.  This past week I've spent quite a bit of time with a real Cowboy who I'll call Henry (I don't want to use his real name).  I met him last Sunday through a mutual friend, and he came to the home group that a few of us have started on Sunday evenings. 

      Henry is either a brand-new Christian, or He's just gotten his life back on track with the Lord.  In any case, he's working through a lot of issues right now in his marriage and his personal life.  He called me on Monday morning and asked if we could get together and talk.  I had some time later that day, and we took a drive in my Cowboy Jim truck and talked for a couple of hours.  I am still amazed at the people God keeps bringing across our path; folks who are struggling, or hurting, or who've been through some major life crisis in the recent past.  Henry shared something that happened in his life 27 years ago that has kept him in emotional bondage ever since. As we talked, I

realized that I really didn't have much advice or counsel to offer him, since I've never gone through the same experience.  In the end I could only say, "Henry, it seems that you and the Lord have some business to attend to.  You haven't forgiven yourself, nor have you asked the Lord to forgive you... so maybe you should start there."  He called me the next day and asked me this question: "About 8 pm last night I felt like I was walking on a cloud.  I was 'doing business' with the Lord, and suddenly I felt something enter the room, and my heart was at peace.  Is that normal?"  Don't you just love the honesty and sincerity of new believers?  I said, "Henry, that 'something' that entered your room is actually a 'somebody', and His name is the Holy Spirit.  And sure it's normal that you would feel a peace in your heart - that's what God has been wanting to give you, but He was waiting for you to take care of your side of the problem."  I have a feeling that Henry and I are going to become great friends.
     We're still in "limbo" regarding my partnership with Crisis Consulting International; I'm hoping that I will be able to meet with Bob Klamser (the president of the organization) with a member of my own advisory board and the chairman of his board, to see if we can find a mutually beneficial solution.  I have lots of ideas and energy to give, but I'm not sure if what I have to offer is what CCI needs the most at this time.  In the meantime I am working on developing my second business venture, which is selling my artwork.  I will meet tomorrow with a woman who is a marketing agent for several local artists, and I'm hopeful that she'll add me to her artist 'roster'.  I'm in the middle of a new painting of a bull elk, and I'll add a photo of it to one of my next blog entries.  I don't think I've ever painted with such energy and excitement - at least not since I was a kid.  This is so much fun ;)