thoughts on funerals

I conducted one funeral and attended another last week.  The first was a request by a friend from church who's mother passed away up in Casper, Wyoming.  The family no longer has ties with any church up there, so they asked if someone from our church could drive up to Casper (5 hours) to conduct the funeral... so I went.  It was my first funeral as a pastor, which was a surprise for some.  Even though I worked as a missionary for over 20 years, I was never in a situation that required me to marry or bury.  In our 10 years in France our local church never lost a church member, nor did we have anyone get married - otherwise I would have certainly been involved in the ceremonies.  Anyway, I wasn't too nervous about doing this funeral since I knew it would be a small crowd of mostly family members.  Michael gave me some good tips before I left, and I went up the night before so I could spend some time with the family members to find out what their desires were for the service.  Have you ever noticed how weddings and funerals tend to bring out either the best and the worst in people?  Ironically, neither ceremony has anything to do with those in attendance, but family members can get so bent out of shape because they want to push THEIR agenda on everyone else.  In the end, all four siblings shared a favorite memory of their mother, and I spoke for MAYBE 10 minutes.  I decided beforehand that there's nothing worse than long-winded preachers at weddings and funerals, so I kept it short and sweet.

Then two days ago was the memorial service for the Chief of one of our local fire stations who died after battling brain cancer for two years.  I've never attended a firefighter's funeral, and I was deeply moved by the ringing of the bell (to signal a fallen comrade) and the Final Call - the last moment of the memorial service when the county dispatch makes a call (through the church sound system) to the deceased firefighter's number.  There is a moment of silence, then the call is repeated... again followed by silence. Finally the county dispatch says something like, "This is the final call for 501 Chief Jeff Davis - faithful husband, father and friend.  Chief Davis, you will be dearly missed."  I didn't personally know the Chief, but I got tears in my eyes when I heard these words.  Powerful symbolism, and a fitting memorial for a man who served his community well.

Duke

We've adopted a 4 year old yellow lab named Deuce.  I didn't particularly like the name, and since he's my dog I renamed him "Duke".  He was scheduled to go under the knife last weekend to remove his manhood, but he was saved by a bout of nasty diarrhea.  Unfortunately for him, the procedure is rescheduled for next weekend, although when I talk to him about it he doesn't seem too upset.  Actually, now that I think about it, maybe THAT'S why he has diarrhea!  I mean, how would I feel if I was being threatened with joining the Eunuch club?  I'd have the runs too!

  He is possibly the best-natured dog I've ever known (certainly that I've ever owned).  Everyone he meets is a friend, and he's quickly learning that dog biscuits seem to magically appear every time he accompanies me into stores.  For the first two days he rode everywhere with me in my truck, and he would fall asleep almost as soon as we started moving.  The family who gave him up for adoption just moved here from Florida, but he acts like he's been around snow his whole life.  Last time I checked, it doesn't snow too regularly in the sunshine state. 
He needs to put on some weight, but besides that he's an awesome dog for a mountain man :) 

Spirit Speaking

"For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him?  Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God.  Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given us by God, which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.  But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised."  1 Corinthians 2:11-14.

Two and a half years ago we made a decision.  It was not a decision that was understood by very many of our friends and colleagues, and even our family members wondered if we'd lost our minds.   In fact, even we did not fully understand the reasons why God would ask us to resign from the organization we had served with for the previous 20 years, or why I should leave a position of influence and respect and responsibilities that spanned 30 different countries, to move to a small town in the mountains of Colorado where the only person we knew was the realtor who eventually sold us our home.  Humanly speaking, it was a foolhardy, impetuous decision. After all, we enjoyed not only influence, but great financial security.  Yet here we were, apparently throwing it all away to follow whispers and internal promptings that we believed were coming from the Spirit of God.  Who would blame anyone for thinking we'd completely lost our minds?  Looking back now, I am amazed that we actually pulled it off.  I know only a handful of people who've made the radical decision to give up an entire career, pull up stakes, and start all over.  It's just too risky.  After all, we have to be reasonable and wise in this life, right?  Surely God would never ask us to do something so illogical - to risk our family's emotional and financial security.  He wouldn't do that, would He?  "But we have the mind of Christ."

Two and a half years later I sit in my living room at 6:30 in the morning, watching the sun rise over the mountains; and I sit in awe and amazement at God's amazing, inconceivable grace.  As I sit here sit here in our beautiful mountain home, I am humbled by the love of God.  Who could have ever imagined how God could pluck us out of a place of comfort and security, fly us half way around the world, and plant us in a this little community - unknown and invisible?  And less than 3 years later we find ourselves surrounded by a loving, caring community of people  - about to take another giant step of faith to start a new church plant in rural Colorado.


How did this all come about?  We followed the promptings of God's Spirit, one step at a time.  We could never see beyond the next, frightening step.  But God gently led us, and all He asked was that we keep in step with His Spirit.

Rebuilding

The families who lost their homes in the Lower North Fork fire last week must feel so lost at this point.  They've no doubt filed all the insurance claims and are probably being housed in temporary housing or a hotel. I'm sure it will take at least 2 years before most of them can move in to their newly rebuilt homes, but the scorched-earth devastation all around them will be a constant reminder of the wildfire that robbed them of all they possessed.  Homes and furniture and appliances can be replaced, which is why it would be foolish to risk our lives to save material possessions.  How different for those who lost their parents or siblings in the fire, as the precious lives of our loved ones are truly irreplaceable.  For those few families life will not return to "normal" for a very long time, if ever.

I was thinking about all that was lost in the devastating fire last week as I read a passage from Ezra chapter 3 this morning (I'm attempting to read through the Bible again this year) where it talks about the exiles returning to Jerusalem from the captivity in Babylon.  King Cyrus of Persia had given them permission to rebuild the temple of the Lord.  They first set about rebuilding the altar so they could offer burnt offerings, and then in the 7th month after their return they began rebuilding the foundation of the temple.  It says that when the builders had completed the foundation, they stopped working and threw a big party to celebrate and "all the people shouted with a great shout...because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid."  But not everyone was singing and shouting.  Many of the older priests and heads of households who had seen the original temple wept out loud.  I stopped reading at that point and wondered what their tears were all about: maybe they wept over all that had been lost when the first temple was destroyed and they were carried off as captives.  Or perhaps they were just overwhelmed by it all, and by the goodness of the Lord to allow them to see the foundations of the new temple being laid.

 Then I thought of the families who are waking up in a hotel room this morning because they have no home to return to.  I can imagine the tears they have shed over all that's been lost, and how hard it must be to imagine trying to rebuild from scratch.  I pray that God will restore their joy too.

The Fire is Out

The Lord blessed us with several inches of very wet snow yesterday - effectively killing any remaining hot spots from the Lower North Fork fire.  I wish it could have come 10 days ago, but I'm not God and that's out of my control.  All three of those who perished in the fire were found in or near their homes.  It's possible they were attempting to save their homes by activating the sprinkler system on the roof, or maybe just stayed too long trying to gather a few more belongings.  In one case it seems the resident never received a reverse 911 call to evacuate.  I've learned something about wildfires from this experience:  if the fire is being fueled by strong winds, the time delay between when you see or smell smoke and when your home is completely consumed may be only minutes.  One of the families that escaped in the nick of time posted a cell phone video showing huge flames on either side of the road and smoke as black as night.  In the background you can hear the children screaming in terror (I've included the video here).  What a close call.

Here's another catch-22 : Even if the firefighters are able to save your home, you now live in a dead-zone with nothing but burned trees and bare ground as scenery... not exactly a mountain paradise should you ever want to sell your home and move elsewhere.  Even if the house burns and your insurance pays to rebuild - you still have no choice but to rebuild on the same charred piece of land.  Never thought of it until now... which helps me understand why forest fires are such a big deal up here.  I know one more thing: I'll be very busy this summer cutting every remaining tree that's within 100 feet of my house.  If the firemen ever come down my driveway, I want them to see a house that can be saved rather than a lost cause.

Rotary Club

I spoke at our local rotary club yesterday - my first time.  I decided to speak on some of the things I learned growing up as a Third Culture Kid.  My three points were:

1. Every culture tends to be Ethnocentric. By this I mean that we all tend to believe that our own culture is superior to other cultures.  We think we can see all the negatives in another culture, all the while remaining blind to our own cultural eccentricities.

2.  Every culture has both positive and negative characteristics.  A few examples:

     French culture:  I love the fact that the French work to live, not the reverse.  Every French citizen takes every single day of their considerable vacation time (5+ weeks) every year.  They don't spend money on second homes, or boats, or luxury cars; they spend it on lavish vacations in exotic locations around the world. On the other hand the French can be almost painfully reserved when it comes to social relationships - to the extent that someone can live in the same neighborhood for 30 years and never meet their next-door neighbor.

Senegalese culture:  Family and community are everything in Senegal (and everywhere else in Africa); you are known by your community and by the relationships you enjoy.  This is so much the case that the average Senegalese person has a hard time imagining themselves outside of their tight-knit community.  People give time to build and maintain relationships.  I remember walking into a government office in Dakar many years ago, only to find the hallway blocked by two men engaged in a heated conversation.  Thinking I would be polite and not disturb them, I squeezed by and continued to the office I was looking for.  On my way out one of the men stopped me and angrily asked who I thought I was, just marching in without greeting them?  I learned a valuable cultural lesson about the importance of social interactions that day.  At the same time, I always found it puzzling that Senegalese culture did not encourage honesty as a value, living rather by the motto: The End Justifies The Means.

3. Third Culture Kids are like Chameleons: we adapt to almost any situation, language, accent or vocabulary.  Daphne thinks it's amusing how I will change my accent and vocabulary to fit whatever cultural situation I find myself in.  When in South Africa, I automatically change how I pronounce certain words in order to be understood ("chance" becomes "chawnse", "half" becomes "hawfe"... you get the idea).  I'll also change my vocabulary - like saying rubbish bin instead of garbage can, and the bonnet of the car instead of the hood.  It's not so much an issue of wanting to be accepted as wanting to "fit in" to every different context.  Because I've lived among so many different cultures, I find it fairly easy to pick out the cultural cues that I can adopt to make myself more of a cultural insider than just a tourist (God forbid).

This was the first time I've shared in as much detail about my background since we moved back to the States, mostly because I rarely meet people who show enough interest for me to open up; it's just easier to fit into their world than ask to them to understand mine.